


Dust in the Wind

by starship_destiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Castiel, Biphobia, Bisexual Castiel, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Breaking Up & Making Up, Castiel Is So Done, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean in Love, Castiel and Meg are (supposed to be) getting married, Castiel is going to cheat on Meg obviously, Castiel-centric, Cheating Castiel, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Dean Plays Guitar, Dean Sings, Dean is a life ruiner, Dean is a player, Dean trying to fix things, Domestic, Dysfunctional Relationships, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Feels, First Kiss, Flashback fic, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Human AU, Hurt Castiel, I Blame Tumblr, I'm making up tags, Jealous Castiel, Jealous Dean, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Meg can be a high maintenance bitch sometimes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Partying, Reunions, Slow To Update, Smut, Top Dean, Underage Drinking, Virgin Castiel, don't lie you're trash too, first multi chapter fic, happy ending I promise, i am destiel trash, i promise to try and make it not suck, jealous Meg, kinda slow burn, past relationship, reunited and it feels so good (more for Dean than for Cas tho), we're all trash, what am i getting myself into
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:54:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4452008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starship_destiel/pseuds/starship_destiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Shurley has the perfect life: his dream job, a beautiful fiancee, and a big, fancy apartment. But when his first love, Dean Winchester, shows up on his door step, everything changes. Dean wants to make up for everything he and the rest of the population of Lawrence High School did to Castiel fifteen years ago, but will Castiel let him? It's a good thing Dean's not a quitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Surprise and a Stare

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! As this is my first multi-chapter fic, I'm a bit worried about being able to keep up with it and getting good responses from you guys. I decided to post the first two chapters right away to see what you all think, and if you're liking it I'll post the third and try to get the next couple up as fast as I can. Again, this is my first ever multi-chapter fic, so I hope I don't screw it up too much. I hope you enjoy it :)

_2015_

It had been nearly three months since Castiel had last gotten a call from his publisher, asking how he was doing on his latest novel. That also meant it had been nearly three months since he has made any progress, at all. He just looked at his cell as it rang, the now slightly annoying tune of the iPhone default ringtone playing on repeat. Chuck’s name was lit up brightly on the screen, but no contact picture to put a face to the name. Normally, Castiel wouldn’t have been so nervous to admit how little progress he was making with his book, but this time it was different. This time, his own father was publishing his book.

Sighing, he picked up his phone from the table and pressed the green answer button. “Hello, father,” Castiel said, holding the phone up to his ear and trying to sound more cheerful than he felt.

Chuck sighed on the end of the line. “Castiel. We’ve been over this; when we’re talking business, you address me as Chuck. We have to keep up appearances here at the office.” Castiel groaned internally. He hated the business side of his father more than anything, and asked himself why he even bothered asking him to publish his next work.

“My apologies, Chuck. I assume you called to check in on my progress?”

“Smart boy. How’s it going? Do you have those first ten chapters almost finished?”

Castiel looked over at his computer screen, and his eyes fixed on the blinking cursor that marked the end of his first two chapters. At least he had something done, as opposed to absolutely nothing. “Almost,” he lied, “The words are just flowing out of me like a river.”

“You’re not even close, are you?” Chuck asked, always seeing through his son’s bullshit.

“Nope,” he admitted. It wasn’t that he didn’t have the time to write, or that he was too distracted. He would sit at his desk, eyes fixed on his computer screen for hours at a time, and, nothing. He was completely lost on ideas for this novel. He knew the basis of what he wanted it to be about, but nothing seemed to sound right when he typed it out. It was absolutely killing him. “I’ve got a pretty bad case of writer’s block over here. I just need a few more weeks, okay? I promise to get something sent over to you as soon as I can.”

“We don’t have a few weeks!” Chuck practically shouted, making Castiel jerk his phone away from his ear and cringe a bit. He didn’t say anything in response. He knew his father was just stressed out, and he wasn’t exactly being helpful with the whole situation. After a minute, he heard Chuck sigh. “I can give you two months, okay? Please, just give me five chapters by then.”

“All right,” Castiel agreed. “Five chapters in two months. Thank you, Chuck. This really helps me out.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll call in two weeks to check up.” With that, the line went dead. Castiel slowly set down his phone and ran a hand over his face. His eyes were again drawn to the blinking cursor on his computer screen. It seemed to be mocking him, so he just turned off the monitor. He needed a break.

He walked into his kitchen and went straight for the coffee pot, refilling his mug almost to the brim. If coffee was the cure for writer’s block, Castiel would have absolutely no problems writing. This novel, whenever the hell it got done, was expected to be his biggest yet. At least, that was how he had made it seem when he first announced that he would be writing a new one. His first three novels were all part of a trilogy, _The Fallen Angel Chronicles_ , and had been a huge hit. All of his friends and family, Chuck, and all of his fans were counting on him. Castiel knew that he couldn’t let them down, he just didn’t know how to not let them down.

About ten minutes passed and Castiel looked down sadly at his again empty mug. Looking at the time, he noticed that it was only ten. He had been up since six, just sitting at his desk, hoping to get something accomplished. He hadn’t even showered or gotten dressed for the day.

He decided it was pointless to worry about writing anymore, so he went to his bathroom and showered instead, remembering all the errands he had planned to run today. He knew he had to stop at the grocery store and get a few things, but he couldn’t remember exactly what. He glanced at his bed, and smiled at the sight he saw. His fiancee, Meg, was still sound asleep, wrapped up in the thick comforter.

Honestly, Castiel’s life was pretty much perfect. He had a successful career, a beautiful fiancee, and he lived in a big apartment that he finally saved up enough money to buy after The Fallen Angel Chronicles went big. He bought it so he and Meg could have a nice place to start off their married lives in. The wedding was still more than six months away, though.

“Meg?” he whispered, lightly shaking her shoulder. She groaned, and pulled the blanket further over her head.

“Go away,” she muttered, swatting at his hand. Meg was a nurse at the local hospital, and had gotten home at five in the morning after working the night shift. She worked in the psychiatric ward, so those patients were usually more difficult and time consuming to take care of. Castiel didn’t blame her for being so tired, but he really needed to know what he needed to buy.

“I’m just wondering about the grocery list,” he whispered.

Meg sighed, clearly irritated about being disturbed. “Milk, butter, bread, pasta, and lettuce.”

“Thank you sweetie. I’m heading out now, I should be back around eleven, okay?”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll be awake by then,” she said, and Castiel just smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

He head out to the hallway, grabbing his trench coat from the hook and his keys from the bowl by the door. “Milk, butter, bread, pasta, and lettuce. Milk, butter, bread, pasta, and lettuce…” he kept repeating himself. He opened the front door. “Milk, butter, bread, past…” the words died on his lips when he looked up to see a man standing in front of him, his fist raised as if he was about to knock on the door.

Castiel’s jaw dropped.

Candy apple green eyes shined and a white smile flashed at him.

Of all people, the last person he expected to be on his front door step was Dean Winchester.

* * *

 

****  
_Fall, 1999_ **  
**

Castiel wrung his hands nervously as he entered his home economics class. He immediately gravitated towards the back of the room, choosing a seat in the corner next to the window. If there wasn’t assigned seating in a class, this was always the desk Castiel went for first. He didn’t make eye contact with any of the other students as he went, afraid of the nasty comments that would be thrown at him. He heard a few laughs as he walked by, but he was used to the laughter by now.

It was the first day of his senior year at Lawrence High School, and he wasn’t naive enough to believe that this year would be any different than the last three, that this might be “his” year. No, it was always the same. Always the same tormentors, always the same jokes.  “Fagstiel” was the running joke of junior year, after everyone found out that he had kissed a boy, Balthazar Edlund, under the bleachers at a football game. He wasn’t gay, he was bisexual. No one seemed to understand that, nor believe him when that was the claim he made. Castiel hoped that the nickname had died down over the summer, but he didn’t get his hopes up too high.

Castiel dared to look up at his classmates, and he wasn’t dumb enough not to notice the people looking at him out of the corners of their eyes. Some even blatantly stared with looks of pity or mischievous smiles on their faces. He cringed when he noticed one of his main bullies, Crowley McLeod, a British exchange student who transferred to Lawrence High their sophomore year, was one of the ones staring. Pretending not to notice him, Castiel opened his book, 1984, to a random page and scanned his eyes over it multiple times, pretending to read. He could hear Crowley snort, and all his minions follow his lead. Castiel didn’t even know why they were in this class. It wasn’t like home ec. was any of their things. In fact, he had often heard them making fun of all the students who took it and enjoyed it last year. They must have been taking it as a blow-off class, he thought.

A few minutes later the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. The teacher, Ms. Milton, cleared her throat at the front of the room, and the students stopped their chatter and grabbed their notebooks and pens, ready to pretend to take notes for the next hour. Castiel had Ms. Milton his junior year for homeroom, so he already knew her. He liked her enough, and expected her to become one of his favorite teachers. She smiled at the class and tucked a strand of fiery red hair behind her ear.

“Welcome to home economics everyone! I’m your teacher for the year, Ms. Milton,” she greeted cheerfully.

“Damn, she’s not married? I would gladly grab a piece of that ass,” Castiel heard Crowley whisper to all his friends, and they all nodded in agreement as Castiel rolled his eyes. Crowley’s accent had a special way of making his words sound more pompous and rude. Shaking his head in annoyance, he brought his attention back to the front of the room.

“I’m going to take attendance, and then we will get started,” Ms. Milton announced, picking up a clipboard with an attached pen from her desk. “Okay...Dorothy Baum?”

Castiel usually zoned out during attendance since his name was always near the end. His gaze fell out the window, and he stared up at the gray sky. It was a cloudy day, though it was still fairly warm due to being mid-August. Castiel preferred colder weather, because that meant he got to wear his father’s old trench coat to school. It was long, tan, and ancient, but Castiel loved it. It was big enough on him that he looked like he was being swallowed by it, and that made him feel safer around his harsh classmates. Something about being able to pull it tight around him when they were making insulting comments to him brought a feeling of security.

“Castiel Shurley?”

“Here,” he responded almost robotically, his eyes momentarily drifting back to the classroom. He made the mistake of looking in Crowley’s direction, and could see that Crowley was staring right at him.

“Fagstiel,” he saw him whisper under his breath. Castiel sunk a bit lower in his seat, trying to pretend that the nickname didn’t still sting a bit.

So it hadn’t died down over the summer, it seemed.

“Dean Winchester?”

“Here,” a deep voice responded. Castiel couldn’t help but look up when he heard the voice. How had he not noticed Dean when he first walked in? He glanced around the room, and saw him sitting in the back row as well, only two desks away to Castiel’s right.

Dean Winchester had moved to Lawrence in the middle of junior year, and honestly, because of the rumors he had heard, Castiel hadn’t expected him to stay for senior year. Everyone always talked about how mysterious Dean was, and how he and his family never stayed in one town for more than a few months. That, and the fact that he had one little brother named Sam who would now be in eighth grade, is all Castiel knew about him.

It was no secret that Dean was gorgeous. His mossy green eyes and tall muscular body and perfectly symmetrical freckled face had girls falling all over him. Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little bit attracted to the boy. His dark and brooding demeanor only did more to pull Castiel in, and he had never even spoken to the guy. Well, there was that one incident when he apologized to Dean after accidentally walking in on him and Amanda Heckerling making out in one of the bathrooms. Other than that, they had made no interaction. Probably for the better, considering Dean’s reputation as a bad boy and a player. But who was Castiel kidding? Dean was as straight as a wooden board.

Castiel only realized he had been staring at the boy for a little bit too long when Dean glanced over at him. Castiel wanted to look away, he really did and he really should have, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t like Dean was making an effort to look away either, though. Dean’s green eyes weren’t simply just looking at him, no, they were more like looking into him, as cliche as that was. It was like he was trying to read his mind, and Castiel was absolutely captivated. Suddenly, Lisa Braeden tapped Dean on the shoulder, causing Dean to look away. She smiled flirtily at him, and Castiel had to fight off the disappointment that started to surface in his mind. He didn’t know Dean. Dean probably knew Lisa, in more ways than one. He shouldn’t feel like it was unfair of her to just take away Dean’s attention from him like that. It seemed like an eternity had passed before the sound of Ms. Milton writing something on the chalkboard snapped Castiel back to reality. He fumbled to open his notebook to the first empty page, and picked up his pencil to begin taking notes.

The entire class period, Castiel tried to stay focused on what Ms. Milton was saying built a healthy family. It wasn’t like he could exactly relate with the lesson, as his mother was a stern business woman who was constantly gone on business trips to big cities all over the world, and his father was a professional author who locked himself up in his office most of the time. His older brother, Gabriel, was just kind of a dick to him. So, this lesson didn’t really make him feel good about his home situation. The only thing that he really gained from his family was inheriting his father’s writing abilities. It was Castiel’s dream to be an author, just like his dad.

The hour seemed to drag on endlessly, and by the time the bell rang Castiel practically jumped out of his seat and ran out of the classroom, trying to avoid Crowley getting to him first. His locker was all the way on the other side of the school, and they only got five minutes to transition to their next class, so he was practically running through the halls, nerves prickling his insides. The hallways were always too crowded for his liking, as Lawrence High was a pretty largely populated school. Every bump of the shoulder with another student made Castiel want to just find the nearest exit and run back to the safety of his room. Being around too many people always made Castiel anxious.

He had finally gotten to his locker and had just began to spin his combination on the dial when he felt the familiar feeling of a big hand landing unnecessarily hard on his shoulder and spinning him around. Next thing he knew, he was face-to-face with Crowley, whose hand was now fisted in the front of his shirt.

“Trying to avoid me, Fagstiel?” he asked, voice deep and dripping with venom.  Castiel should have known he wouldn’t get away so easily, especially not on the first day.

“I’m just trying to get to my next class in time, that’s all,” Castiel said quietly, avoiding all eye contact. Crowley’s minions were standing in a half circle around them, blocking all chances of escape. This was all too routine to Castiel, as it happened at least ten to fifty times a year. He was almost used to it at this point, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified as hell.

“Why spend time in class when you can spend some personal time with me? You see, I thought we were just starting to become good friends.” Crowley shoved Castiel back against his locker, smirking at the power he had over him. “It’s a shame you don’t feel the same way.”

The familiar feeling of panic began to make it’s way into Castiel, and his stomach felt like it was going to jump out of his throat. He knew what was coming next- Crowley would pull his fist back and give Castiel a nice right hook to the jaw, giving him a nice “welcome back to school!” bruise. It was almost tradition now. But when Crowley did begin to lift his arm, another hand reached between two of the minions, Zach and Gordon, and grabbed his wrist before it could shoot forward into Castiel’s face.

He looked to see who the hand belonged to, and was surprised to see it belonged to Dean. Dean had an almost deadly look in his eyes when Crowley turned around to see who had disturbed his fun. “Winchester,” he said in a growl, and Castiel took the opportunity to break free from Crowley’s grasp and slip in between the lockers and Gordon.

“How about you leave him alone,” Dean said, head nodding towards Castiel and glare never wavering from Crowley’s face. Crowley raised his hands in defeat, laughing a little.

“Just trying to have a little fun, Dean. Fagstiel here was enjoying himself, honest.” Dean glanced over to where Castiel was now standing against the lockers, clutching his books to his chest. “C’mon boys, we’ll deal with this later,” Crowley announced, and off he and his minions went.

Castiel let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, and awkwardly made his way back to his locker. Dean put a hand on his shoulder, making him jump a bit. “Hey, I’m not gonna punch you or anything,” Dean said, noticing how startled Castiel had been.

“I know, sorry, it’s just a reflex,” Castiel responded, trying not to look into Dean’s green eyes. “Thank you for that, by the way.” Dean just nodded.

“Castiel, right?” He asked, and Castiel wondered how in the hell Dean knew his name.

“Y-yeah. It is. Castiel Shurley.”

“I’m Dean Winchester.”

“I know.”

Dean looked at him curiously for a moment, and then his face fell back into it’s usual frown. “Well, I’ll see you around, Cas.” Then, he walked away.

Castiel could only stare as he walked. _Cas_? Had Dean Winchester just given him a nickname? He shook his head in disbelief, and turned around to open his locker, grabbing his books for AP English. This was turning out to be the most eventful first day of school he has ever had.


	2. Invitation

_2015_

Castiel could only stare at the man standing in front of him. He worked his jaw to try and form words in his mouth, any words, but he was too in shock to say anything. Dean Winchester was here. At his apartment. Standing three feet away from him. What the actual hell?

“Hey Cas,” Dean said with a grin, and suddenly Castiel felt like he was going to pass out. There were so many bad, and good, memories flooding back to him at once, that he almost collapsed. No one had called him Cas in years. That nickname disappeared just as fast as Dean had from his life. Just as fast as Castiel had gotten in his car at graduation and drove away from Lawrence High School, vowing to himself that he would never see, speak of, or even think about Dean Winchester again. This was all too much for him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” was all Castiel could manage, and he rarely ever swore. Dean was even taller now, his muscles bigger and his jaw more defined. The one thing that didn’t change, however, was the fact that he still looked like a Greek god carved into a marble statue by God himself. The crinkles by his eyes seemed to make the green in them seem even brighter, if that was possible. For a moment, Castiel questioned why he ever let him go, but then he remembered that he and Dean had ended on horrible terms and he also had a fiancee sleeping in the bedroom just down the hall.

“I uh…” Dean began, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “I was in town and...I really, really wanted to see you.”

Castiel’s jaw only dropped again. How the hell was it possible that Dean wanted to see him? He didn’t exactly seem like he wanted anything to do with Castiel the last time they saw each other...wait a second. “How do you know where I live?”

Dean shrugged. “You always talked about how you planned on still living in Lawrence when you were older, and also, Yellow Pages.” Castiel didn’t say anything, he just looked down at his feet in defeat, a habit he’s had all his life. “I also wanted to see if we could talk about, you know, high school and stuff.”

Castiel looked up at him in disbelief. “You really think I want to even think about that? Because I’m better off just pretending it never happened, thank you very much.” Castiel stepped forward, and closed the door behind him, walking around Dean to head for the parking lot.

“Hey, where are you going?” Dean asked, his heavy footsteps a sign that he was following behind.

“I have to go grocery shopping,” Castiel said flatly, unlocking his car and opening the door. He climbed in and reached to shut the door, but Dean put a hand on it to stop it from closing. He leaned down to look at Castiel.

“I’ll go with you,” he said, and Castiel threw his head back against the headrest, sighing in annoyance.

“I would rather you didn’t.”

He avoided looking at Dean, instead staring out of the front windshield at the bricks of the apartment building. Having Dean hover over him like that stirred up memories that had tried for a decade and a half to work on getting rid of. “Why are you here?” Castiel asked quietly. “I thought you knew that I meant it when I told you after graduation that I never wanted to see you again.”

Dean kicked a few pebbles with the toe of his shoe, looking down at the pavement. “I guess I just kind of figured that fifteen years would be enough time for you to cool down.”

Cool Down? Really? That was the phrase Dean was going with? Anger and shame stirred deep inside Castiel’s stomach, giving him the urge to punch the steering wheel as hard as he could, or, maybe Dean’s face. Definitely Dean’s stupid, annoying, fucking perfect masterpiece of a face. Why did Dean think he could just show up one day and expect Castiel to be there with open arms? This was not how Castiel planned on spending his day. But maybe, if he just gave Dean a little time, he could let him try to explain himself and then send him on his way, hopefully satisfied. That seemed like the only logical thing to do since he knew, sadly, that Dean wasn’t the type to just give up and move on when he didn’t get his way. Groaning internally, Castiel unlocked the passenger door. “Get in then,” he said, and Dean practically beamed.

“Really?”

“Hurry up before I change my mind, please.”

Dean practically ran to the other side of the car, opening the door and sliding in swiftly. Castiel stuck the key in the ignition and put the car in reverse, raising an eyebrow at Dean. “What?” he asked, making himself perfectly comfortable by putting his boot-covered feet on the dashboard. Castiel just narrowed his eyes, and Dean slowly put his feet back on the floor. “Sorry,” he said, throwing his hands up in surrender, and Castiel sighed for what was probably the millionth time in the past five minutes of Dean being there. At least he had his seatbelt on.

Pulling out of his parking spot, Castiel noticed Dean’s black 1967 Chevy Impala parked on the other side of the lot. He quickly looked away, not wanting the memories from the passenger seat (and the back seat) to resurface.

The drive to the grocery store was silent and awkward, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. He didn’t bother to turn on the radio, knowing Dean would just criticize him for his music taste if he did. That was one of the many things they never agreed on in high school- music, as dumb as that seemed. Dean sat tapping his fingers on his thighs, humming some Metallica song that was always one of his favorites, but for the life of him Castiel couldn’t think of what it was called. He had blocked out so much of Dean that there was actually a lot about him that he didn’t remember. He remembered the big details of course, like how he had a little brother four years younger named Sam, Dean called him Sammy, and how his mother died when Dean was four and it caused their father to become pretty much a recluse, constantly moving them around the country to avoid getting to know too many people, too well. Castiel had always wondered why Dean’s father had chosen to keep them in Lawrence for so long, but he decided not to dwell on it too much.

Eventually, the silence became too much to bear. “So, you still have the Impala?” he said, knowing that Dean loved talking about his car more than anything.

“Hell yeah I do. Baby’s still running like she’s brand new,” Dean said excitedly, clearly glad the awkwardness was somewhat over. “Can’t stand to get rid of her, so I just keep fixing her up. Too many good memories in that car. Like prom night, remember?”

Castiel felt his face flush. Of course he remembered prom night. It was one of the best nights of his entire life, though he would never admit that now. “Now’s really not the time to bring that up, Dean,” Castiel said, irritation lacing his words, and Dean just laughed.

Finally, they were pulling into the grocery store parking lot. It was a small little store that sold all organic stuff. As they got out of the car and walked into the store, Dean grimaced. “I can practically smell the healthy in here,” he said, being a smartass as always. Castiel ignored his comment and grabbed a basket, heading for the produce section. He stood in front of the lettuce, trying to look for the perfect one. Meg always got irritated when she made a salad and any of the lettuce was wilted. She refused to eat it, actually. Castiel understood, sort of, as she had grown up in a rich family and she had the perfect meals all the time. Finally, after about three minutes of browsing, he grabbed one and put it in the basket.

“Jeez, that took a while,” Dean said.

“Meg only wants the best of the best,” Castiel stated matter-of-factly. He made his way to the dairy aisle of the store for the butter and milk. Dean followed behind, his hands in his pockets.

“Meg? Is she your roommate?”

“My fiancee.”

“Oh, your fiancee, right.”

Castiel tried to pretend he didn’t hear something akin to disappointment in there.

They were in the grocery store for only another ten minutes, and they headed back out to the car. Castiel threw the bags in the back seat before getting in. They sat in silence for a moment, neither of them wanting to be the first to talk. It was the kind of silence that felt weighted, that was so full of unanswered questions and unsaid words. There were millions of things Castiel could have said, could have brought up. But, he didn’t even know where to begin.

Finally, Dean spoke. “So,” he began, clearing his throat, “You’re getting married.”

Castiel looked out his window. It was slightly cloudy now, and it had started to drizzle a bit. How fitting, he thought. “Uh, yes. I’m getting married.”

Dean nodded his head, biting his bottom lip. A nervous habit of his, Castiel remembered. “Good for you Cas, I’m really happy for you.”

Castiel just looked at Dean. He knew he really didn’t mean it, he couldn’t even look him in the eye. He kept his gaze fixed on his hands in his lap, teeth worrying his lip. “You don’t have to lie to me, Dean.” Castiel put the key in the ignition and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot onto the main road. There would be another ten minutes or so between here and his home, and Castiel hoped that would be enough time for Dean to get whatever the hell was on his chest off of it. Then, once they got back to the apartment he would say goodbye to Dean, go inside, and shut the door on this chapter of his life once again. That was the plan, at least.

“I’m not lying,” Dean claimed, though Castiel still didn’t really believe it. “Seriously. You’re happy. I can tell you’re happy, so I’m happy. For you.”

“But not for yourself,” Castiel pointed out.

“No, it’s just that...I don’t know.” Dean looked down at his hands again. Why was Dean suddenly shutting down on him? He was the one who came back to Lawrence and barged back into his life. He should have been the one with an explanation as to why. Castiel didn't owe Dean anything. He didn't owe him the time of day to sit down and listen whatever he had to say. He really didn't know why he had agreed to let Dean come with him at this point, as they were getting nowhere. Dean couldn't even be truly happy for him. Castiel deserved all of Dean's happiness, and Dean deserved none of his. He put him through way too much for that. 

“Why are you _really_ here, Dean?” he asked again, truly not understanding.

Dean rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I just...really needed to see you.”

Suddenly filled with rage, Castiel pulled the car over to the side of the road, and turned to face Dean, who now looked pretty afraid of the yelling he knew that was coming. “That’s not a good enough reason! You can’t just show up here and expect everything to be okay, expect me to want to see you again after what you did to me. It’s selfish, and just not fair!”

Dean looked confused for a second. “Is this still about the whole ‘Fagstiel’ thing? Because I-”

“You really think that’s all this is about? You have _got_ to be kidding me.” Castiel collapsed back against his seat, once again fighting the urge to sock Dean in the nose. Dean didn’t say anything else for a moment.

“I-I don’t understand,” Dean said exasperated, and Castiel could have slapped him right then and there. Did he really not get it?

“You really don’t understand?”

“Well, tell me what I don’t understand, _Cas_ , and then maybe I will understand!”

Castiel immediately went weak at hearing his old nickname again. He let out a breath of defeat, feeling legitimately like he was deflating. That always got to him, every time. When one of his friends called him that a few years ago, he completely shut them down, not speaking to them for hours. They didn’t understand why, and Castiel didn’t really understand why either. All he knew was that it fucking hurt. It hurt a damn lot.

“You really don’t understand...what you did to me? What you did to my heart? You practically destroyed me, Dean. You know, Meg is actually the first relationship I’ve ever had since you.” Castiel explained, and he started to feel a bit better. It made it a little easier to get it off of his chest, to explain to Dean how he really felt that day, fifteen years ago.

“I’m so, so sorry, Cas,” Dean said, voice soft and so full of honesty and raw emotion that Castiel almost actually believed him.

Almost.

“Yeah, well, it’s a bit too late for that.”

He put the car back in drive and pulled back out onto the road. There was silence, once again. He had said all he needed to say, and he hoped Dean had too. If there was one thing that had been on his mind since high school, it was Dean. It was the memories that he had with him. His first real crush, his first kiss, losing his virginity...his first love. And then there was all the things near the end. The fights, the questioning, the secrets, and the last thing Dean ever said to him. The thing that finally made Castiel crack and run out of the gym on graduation day, not even going on stage to get his diploma. Now, he was done thinking about it. After seeing Dean again...he knew he just couldn’t worry about it anymore.

Neither one of them spoke again on the ride back. Castiel kept his eyes trained on the road, and Dean stared out the window, tapping his fingers again. When they pulled back into the parking lot, Dean was the first to get out of the car. He stood in front of the hood, waiting for Castiel. When he got out, Dean had his hands in his pockets, and he was looking around nervously, as though he wanted to say something else. “What is it, Dean?” Castiel asked.

Dean took a deep breath. “Can I see you again?”

Castiel stood in shock. That wasn’t what he was expecting him to say, at all. He was expecting Dean to say his final farewells and then walk back to his Impala, and drive away forever. That would have been the easy scenario. But no, Dean was asking to see Castiel again, as if everything said today wasn’t enough. “You want to...to what?” He finally responded.

“I want to see you again. Cas, I wasn’t lying when I said I needed to see you again. I really, really do. I need to talk to you about everything that happened and hopefully somehow make up for it and hopefully I can get to know you again...hopefully we can get to know each other again. I know, you’re pissed at me, hell, you probably hate my guts, but I hate myself too. I have hated myself every day for over fifteen years for what I did to you. And I’m sorry.”

The rain of course chose that moment to come down a little harder. _Seriously, what the hell, weather? Are you like tuned into my emotions or something?_ Castiel thought. He looked at Dean, really looked at him this time. He searched his face for any sign that he could be spewing lies all over the place, just using Castiel’s emotions against him to hurt him again. But, he couldn’t see anything. The look in Dean’s eyes screamed that he was telling the truth- that he really was sorry.

“And you want to get to know me, again?” Castiel clarified, because in his distracted state of mind that’s all he could really remember Dean saying from that whole schpiel.

“Yes, Cas. I really do. But, I understand if this is too much for you. I won't blame you if you tell me to get the hell out right now."

There was a ‘no’ on the tip of Castiel’s tongue, ready to come out and push Dean away, back to wherever the hell he came from. His mind was basically screaming at him to do it, to just say it and get it over with. He knew it was the logical, and probably the least painful thing to do, but he also knew that he would still feel the pain of never knowing what could have been. In retrospect, there was really no correct answer. No answer that would make Castiel feel better one way or another. So, he said it before he could change his mind, and possibly make the worst mistake of his life.

“Yes,” he blurted, and Dean’s eyes lit up like a freaking Christmas tree.

“Yes?”

“Yes, you can see me again,” Castiel clarified, and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. Dean smiled so wide it looked like his lips would split right open.

“Good, yeah, this is good. Okay then. I’ll see you...tomorrow? At noon? I could come back here and we can go to lunch or something. Maybe? I don’t know, whenever you want. Don’t feel rushed or anything.” Dean was talking about a mile a minute, and Castiel couldn’t help but smile a little, much to his dismay.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at noon, Dean,” Castiel said, turning around and heading back to his front door. When he got back inside, he looked out to the parking lot one last time, watching Dean walk back to the Impala. He couldn’t help but stare at his bow legs, and...his ass. Castiel mentally slapped himself. _You have a fiancee, remember_? his conscious reminded him. He shut the door after Dean had driven away, collapsing against it and taking a deep breath.

Was this really happening?

* * *

 

 

Fall, 1999 **  
**

For the next two weeks, Castiel didn’t speak to Dean again, and Crowley and the minions generally left him alone. There was still a few comments thrown at him in class and in the hallway, but nothing physical. Castiel couldn’t decide whether to be afraid or relieved. Still, in home ec, Castiel would nonchalantly look over and Dean’s direction, and was sometimes surprised to find Dean looking back at him. They would hold eye contact for about ten seconds, and then look away again as if nothing had just happened. It was pretty painful to Castiel, as he wanted to get to know Dean better. He had felt a little differently towards him since the first day of school when he saved him from getting punched in the face.

The only thing keeping him distracted from Dean was school, and his best friend Charlie. It was impossible not to pay attention when you were around her; she was so loud and energetic that you just had to be dragged right along with her. He and Charlie were sitting on his bed, doing a worksheet for AP Biology. “So, Castiel…” She began, and Castiel looked up from his worksheet, giving her an ‘I know you’re about to ask me to do you a huge favor’ look.

“What do you want, Charlie?” He asked, focusing his attention back onto the respiratory system of the human body.

“Okay, so, you know Bela Talbot?” She asked. Of course he knew Bela Talbot, everyone knew Bela Talbot. She was beautiful, outgoing, flirty, and filthy rich. She lived in a huge mansion on the outskirts of Lawrence, with a driveway about a mile long. It made it perfect to throw huge parties when her parents weren’t home. Though the parties were always wild and raging, somehow the cops were never called once. It made Castiel wonder if she had bribed the police or something. He wouldn’t exactly put it past her, she wasn’t the most honest person on Earth. There was only one direction Charlie’s question could be going in, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it.

“I do know Bela Talbot,” he replied, labeling the lungs on his worksheet.

“Well she’s throwing a _huge_ back to school party tomorrow, and I really wanna go,” she explained.

“And what do I have to do with this?” He knew exactly what he had to do with this, he just wanted her to say it herself.

“The fact that you don’t drink,” she said, and it was more like a question. “I need a designated driver, and I really want you to experience one of these parties before graduation. You can’t be a prude all year, Castiel.”

Castiel sighed, setting his paper down next to him. Charlie was right; he should go to at least one party before the year ended. He didn’t want to be known as the person who never went to any. He wasn’t exactly intrigued by the idea, however. But it wasn’t really like Charlie to want to go to one of these either. She was exponentially more outgoing than Castiel himself, but she was never a party girl. There was only one explanation to her eagerness. “Is Dorothy Baum gonna be there?” he asked, and she blushed, looking down at her paper.

“No comment,” she said, picking up her pencil and pretending to write something down.

Castiel laughed, hitting her in the shoulder lightly. “I’m not judging you, just making an observation,” he stated, and she flopped onto her back, throwing her papers onto the carpet.

“She’s just so pretty. And smart, and funny, and outgoing...she’s perfect.”

Castiel smiled. He was happy to see that Charlie was taking an interest in something other than _Lord of the Rings_ , even if it did involve going to a party where there was definitely going to be alcohol and possibly drugs. He really didn’t want to go...but he wanted Charlie to be happy. He wasn’t going to let her down like that when she had an opportunity this big. Plus, she was right- Castiel didn’t drink, and he wouldn’t want Charlie to have to make it home all by herself.

“Well if it’s that important to you,” he began, and Charlie sat up with lightening speed, “I’ll go with you.”

Charlie launched herself forward and threw her arms around Castiel with a squeal. “Thank you thank you thank you!” she exclaimed, squeezing him with what seemed to be all her strength.

“Charlie, I can’t breath,” he gasped, and she let go, putting her hands on his shoulders.

“Sorry! But seriously, you are the best.” Charlie let him out of her grasp and got off of the bed and picked up her papers from the floor, throwing them into her Star Trek backpack. “I have to head home and try to pick out an outfit to wear, so I shall call you later to confirm plans, kay?” She bent down to give him a big kiss on the head. “Love you!” she called as she walked out of the door. Castiel shook his head, focusing his attention back on his homework. He couldn’t help but wonder if Dean would be at the party. Given his reputation, he probably would be. Castiel could feel the excitement start to bubble inside of him, looking forward to seeing Dean somewhere outside of school.


	3. Letting Loose

_Fall, 1999_

It was Saturday night, which meant it was time for Castiel to pick up Charlie and head off to Bela’s party. He didn’t really know what to wear, so he just opted for a white button up, light blue sweatervest, and khakis. He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, wondering if he looked too nice, or too casual. It was his first party ever, so he didn’t want to seem like he didn’t know what he was doing. Castiel had also decided that he would drink, but just limit himself to one or two beers. Maybe a shot if he was feeling adventurous.

He was picking up Charlie at eight, and they would get to the party at about eight thirty. Charlie had told him it would be in full swing by that time. They would stay for a few hours and be out of there by one, figuring that four and a half hours was enough time to enjoy the party, and for Charlie to make her move on Dorothy. Checking his watch, he saw it was seven fifty-five. He checked his reflection one last time, running his hands through his hair to make it look a little messier, in the way that Charlie said made him look like an angel or something. He considered that a good thing.

He left the bathroom, and walked down the hall to knock on his father’s office door. “Come in,” he heard him call. Castiel opened the door slowly to see Chuck sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer. His mother had bought him that computer for Christmas last year, since he was always complaining about the typewriter he had.

“I’m going to Charlie’s now,” Castiel said, and Chuck just nodded.

“Have fun,” he said, not even looking back to acknowledge his son. Castiel backed out of the room and shut the door. His mother was in Tokyo on business, and Chuck had been easy to lie to. He just said that he was going to spend the night at Charlie’s, so it wasn’t like he really cared much about that. He walked past Gabriel’s door just as it was opening. His big brother stepped out, holding a brown bag that was clearly concealing a bottle of vodka.

“Cassie!” Gabriel greeted with a smile. “You going to Bela Tal-babe’s party?” Bela Tal-babe was a nickname the entire male population of Lawrence High had for her, which was weird, since Gabriel was two years out of high school.

“Yes I am,” Castiel said suspiciously. “Are you going?”

Gabriel laughed, waving the bag of alcohol. “Of course little bro, the whole school’s going!”

“But Gabriel, you graduated.”

“Just because I’m no longer in high school doesn’t mean I’m not still a high schooler at heart. Besides, who can pass up the opportunity to go to a great party? Obviously not you, shockingly enough.” Gabriel walked passed Castiel to go down the stairs, and Castiel followed him down.

“I just wanted to experience as much as I can my senior year,” he explained, and Gabriel turned around to wrap an arm around his little brother’s neck and give him a noogie.

“I’m proud of you Cassie, you’re really learning to come out of your shell!”

“I’m only really going to help out a friend.”

“Charlie Bradbury? Damn. If she wasn’t a lesbian I would lunge for a piece of that.” Castiel smacked his brother on the arm.

“You’re repulsive.”

They headed out the door into the night. It was a bit cooler out, just in the lower sixties, and Castiel took the opportunity to wear his father’s trench coat. He immediately felt better about the whole party situation with it on. Gabriel waved to him with a big smile, heading towards his own car. “See you there, bro!” Castiel just waved, praying to God that he wouldn’t end up embarrassing him tonight.

Castiel got in his car, and headed off to Charlie’s. She was already waiting outside when he got there, dressed in a tight black dress covered in sequins with black stilettos on her feet. How she was going to dance in that was a mystery to Castiel. She climbed in, and gave Castiel a hug. “You look adorable!” she said, looking at his outfit, though he didn’t understand how she could really see it under the trench coat.

“Thank you, I wasn’t quite sure what I should wear. You look...uncomfortable,” he said cautiously, not wanting to offend her. She looked good, she really did, but it wasn’t like her to dress so skimpily.

“Oh believe me, I am. But beauty is pain, right?” she said, buckling her seatbelt. Castiel just nodded, because he really wouldn't know.

Charlie turned on the radio to a top forty station when Castiel began to drive. It wasn’t a song Castiel knew the name of, but he knew it was something by the Backstreet Boys, Charlie’s favorite. “Hell yeah!” she yelled, cranking the volume. Castiel shook his head, smiling a little at his friend’s excitement. He couldn’t help but sing along with her at the parts he actually knew, and when “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls came on, he was able to sing along to the whole thing.

They got to Bela’s right on schedule, Castiel driving his car up the mile long driveway to the house, already able to hear the music playing. There were cars parked randomly throughout the grass the entire way up, and Castiel chose a spot considerably close to the house. Charlie was practically bouncing in her seat when he put the car in park. She was quick to be out of her seatbelt and out of the car, stopping only for a moment. “I’ll meet you out here at one, okay?” she said just as Castiel had gotten out of the car. She didn’t wait for a reply, just bolted right inside.

“Charlie, wait! Don’t leave me yet!” he called after her, but it was too late- she was inside already; consumed by the crowd of students who were drinking and dancing.

His stomach dropped when he entered the house. There were people everywhere. The foyer was packed way beyond Castiel’s level of comfort, and he tried his best to squeeze through his classmates without passing out or getting hit in the face. The music was almost deafening, and he wondered what was so appealing about coming to these things. He apologized as he made his way through, bumping into people who gave him an annoyed looks, but no one seemed too bothered by him. He found his way into a room which he guessed was the kitchen, since it had a huge island counter in the middle that was lined with Solo cups, packs of beer bottles, and dozens of bottles of different types of alcohol. There was even three kegs in one of the corners, and someone was attempting to do a keg stand, his buddies holding him up as he drank from the nozzle. Castiel cringed when the guy fell and hit his legs on the island, almost knocking down a few bottles of Smirnoff.

He immediately went for a beer, not really caring what kind he grabbed. He used the sleeve of his trench coat to twist the cap off. He was getting a bit hot in the coat, but Castiel didn’t trust anyone here well enough to just take it off and leave it somewhere. He took a big gulp of the drink, trying his best not to gag at the bitter taste of it. It wasn’t at all good, but it was helping to calm down his nerves, so he kept drinking, making his way out of the kitchen and almost bumping into a couple who stood against the counter making out. The next room he walked into must have been the dining room. There was a game of beer pong being played on the ten foot long mahogany table, and a bunch of girls he didn’t recognize were scattered around cheering for the players. He could see another huge crowd of people in the next room, all dancing. There were huge speakers mounted on the walls blasting one of Britney Spears’s new singles, and a DJ in the corner. It was pretty dark in there, aside from a few colorful flashing lights. He decided against going in there, and instead headed back to the kitchen. He swore he saw a door in there that looked like it led outside, and outside was exactly where he wanted to be right now.

He grabbed another beer, tossing his now empty one in the garbage can that was next to the island, and went to the door he saw. When he opened it, it didn’t lead outside, but into a hallway. There was no one in the hallway, so Castiel went in anyway. He closed the door behind him and collapsed against it, taking a deep breath and a long swig of beer. He could already feel the alcohol taking effect on his system, and he felt kind of pathetic because he had barely any at all. The hall was dimly lit and you could almost barely hear the music playing through the walls. They must have been soundproofed, Castiel guessed. He basked in the almost silence, enjoying it so much more than he did the loud commotion out there. Castiel had been standing there when something interrupted his peace and quiet.

The sound of someone playing guitar reached his ears. It was a beautiful melody, one that sounded a little familiar. It sounded like a song his father used to listen to when he was younger. Then, there was a voice singing along.

“I close my eyes,” the voice sang, and Castiel nearly melted. Whoever was singing, his voice was mesmerizing. “Only for a moment, then the moment’s gone,” the voice continued. Castiel pushed off of the door and began to walk down the hall, putting his ear against each door to see if he could find which one the music was coming from.

“All my dreams, pass before my eyes a curiosity…”

When Castiel finally found the door, he opened it as slowly and quietly as possible. “Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.” Castiel peeked his head in the door, and was shocked to see Dean Winchester sitting on a stool in the middle of a room that looked pretty much empty. He had a guitar in his hands, fingers moving over the neck and plucking the strings so smoothly and expertly. But his voice, God, his voice. That was the last thing Castiel expected from Dean. It was light and smooth, creating a sound that was more beautiful than anything Castiel had ever heard. He was going to stay and listen in secretly, but then he saw a second person in the room. Lisa Braeden was sitting crosslegged on the floor in front of Dean, and it was clear that he was singing to her.

Jealousy flooded him and he almost left, but then Dean glanced up, making direct eye contact with him. He didn’t seem surprised to see him standing there in the doorway, and he just kept on playing. Lisa didn’t even seem to notice her loss of attention. She was staring up at Dean dreamily, too entranced to care. Castiel understood- the way she looked was the way he felt in that moment, staring into Dean’s impossibly green eyes. What felt like an eternity later, Dean’s gaze drifted back down to Lisa, and she smiled. The feeling of jealousy came back when he saw her smile. She really was beautiful, and there was no doubt Dean only had eyes for her at the moment. Castiel felt like an idiot.

He backed out of the door, closing it softly. With a sigh, he headed back to the kitchen. When he got back in there, he was relieved to see Charlie filling up two cups with Smirnoff. “Hey!” she yelled excitedly when she noticed him, running over. “Are you having a good time?”

Castiel shrugged. He wasn’t having a bad time exactly, but what just happened didn’t really make the night any better. Charlie looked down to see the beer Castiel was holding. “You’re drinking? Wow, I never thought I would see the day,” she said giggling. How much had she drank already?

“Yeah, I figured I could loosen up a little,” he shouted back. Damn, it was loud. “Hey, have you found Dorothy yet?” he asked, surveying the area for the girl his best friend was obsessing over.

“Oh yeah!” she responded excitedly. “I’m getting us both drinks right now. God, Castiel, she is so great! We were dancing for a little bit in there and she was all over me. It was fucking awesome!” Charlie threw her arms up in the air, vodka from the cups sloshing over the edges and landing on their heads. She just laughed as Castiel grimaced, trying to shake it out of his hair with his hands.

“How much of that have you had already?” he asked, knowing clearly that she was smashed.

“Two to five? I don’t really remember. I’m just having fun!” She whooped at a group of guys that walked by, and set down her cups. “Guess who’s getting some pussy tonight!” she shouted at them, and they all cheered for her, giving her high fives.

“Charlie,” Castiel said, resting a hand on her arm, “have I ever told you that sometimes you’re more of a male than I am?” She laughed out loud at this, punching Castiel in the arm. “Hey, go get her.” He pushed her back towards the living room, and she gave him a big wink before grabbing the cups and dancing her way back.

Castiel chugged the rest of his beer, and was now definitely beginning to feel the alcohol working in him. He felt looser, more relaxed, and he suddenly felt confident enough to join all the people dancing. He poured himself almost a full cup of vodka on the way out, just for luck. He took a few sips of the clear liquid, and it burned on the way down his throat. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was making Castiel feel pleasant. He worked his way in between the people packed together in the crowd, wanting to go closer to the middle, but not too close so that he couldn’t get out if he felt like he needed to. The song playing this time was an older one, “Scar Tissue” by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. This song, he knew. He started to sway a little bit, nodding his head to the beat while the people around him went crazy. They were all laughing and smiling and grinding on each other and having the time of their lives. He took another drink of the vodka, a bigger one this time. He looked down at his cup and frowned when he saw it was almost halfway gone.

He felt less afraid to actually dance now, so he started to move a little more, getting into the groove of the song, letting himself loose. He closed his eyes for a moment and imagined that he wasn’t surrounded by a huge crowd of his drunk classmates. He felt a hand grab his arm, and saw that a girl was trying to get his attention. She looked familiar, but the darkness of the room made it hard to see exactly who it was. When a red light swept over her face, he could see that is was Amanda Heckerling, the girl he walked in on making out with Dean. “Dance with me?” she shouted over the music, and Castiel nodded in agreement. She beamed at him, and threw her arms around his shoulders.

She began to sway her hips, and Castiel tried to copy the movements, hoping he didn’t seem to awkward, and looped his arms around her waist. They danced like that for a few songs, just moving together and going with the flow of the rest of the crowd. He tried to enjoy himself with her, he really did. But for some reason, it didn’t feel as right or as fun as it should have. “I’m gonna go get another drink,” he shouted to her, and she pouted in a way that was adorable, but had no effect on Castiel. He went to turn around but ran into a brick wall. No- not a brick wall. A person.

Castiel looked up to see that he was face to face with Dean. “Nice coat,” Dean said over the music, smiling at him now.

“I- uh, thank you,” Castiel said back, having completely forgotten that he was wearing it. It suddenly got very hot in there.

“Hi Amanda,” Dean greeted the girl behind Castiel who now had a very irritated look on her face. She just rolled her eyes Dean and pushed her way back into the middle of the crowd, probably looking for a new guy to dance with her. “Wanna get out of here?” Dean asked, gesturing to the people around them. Castiel just nodded, completely captivated by the fact that Dean Winchester was right in front of him, talking to him, and asking him if he wanted to get out of there.

“C’mon,” Dean said, nodding his head to the doorway that led out of the living room. He grabbed Castiel’s hand and pulled him behind. He went completely willingly. Dean led them through the dining room, the kitchen, and back through the foyer to the front door. Along the way, people were giving them weird looks. It did look a little odd to see Dean Winchester holding the hand of someone almost everyone considered a loser. Would they think Dean was gay now? Castiel didn't think he was gay. Maybe he was bisexual, like him. That would be nice, because then that meant he might have the slightest chance. They stepped outside into the cool August night air, and Castiel felt infinitely better.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked as he was dragged down the marble front steps.

“To my car,” Dean responded, and Castiel stopped in his tracks. Dean was taking him to his _car_?

Dean turned around when he realized Castiel was no longer following. “Don’t worry, Cas. I’m not gonna try and take advantage of you or anything.” At the sound of his new nickname, Castiel followed obediently, becoming a bit weak in the knees. He wondered how many other people Dean had nicknames for. Dean’s car was a long way down the driveway, about a quarter mile it felt like. When they finally reached it, Castiel was impressed.

“This is nice,” he said, walking up to the car and running a hand over the top. It was black, and looked like it couldn’t be any newer than the sixties.

“Thank you,” Dean replied, sounding very genuine. “Baby here is a 1967 Chevrolet Impala. She’s old, but she runs like she’s brand new,” he said with pride, and Castiel pretended that meant anything to him. “Get on in,” Dean said, sliding into the driver’s side. Castiel did as he was told, and got in the passenger seat.

It was much quieter in here, which was very relieving. Castiel closed his eyes and laid his head back on the top of the seat. “Much better,” he said, and opened his eyes to see Dean looking at him. Castiel just stared right back. Normally he would feel nervous and his heart would start pounding, but right now, he was too drunk to be afraid.

"I didn't know you play guitar, or sing," he said, breaking the silence. 

Dean nodded. "Yeah, not many people do. I've been playing since I was a kid. My Uncle Bobby taught me."

“What was that song you were playing?” Castiel asked, sitting back up and making the brave decision of scooting across the bench so he was just a little closer.

“You really don’t know it?” Dean asked, looking a little shocked.

“No I know it, my dad used to listen to it all the time. I just can’t think of the name,” Castiel said, and Dean nodded in understanding.

“It was ‘Dust in the Wind’ by Kansas. One of my favorites, actually,” Dean told him. Castiel mentally face-palmed himself. How the hell did he not remember that? He used to love that song, too.

“Lisa seemed to enjoy it,” he said, sounding a little bitter.

Dean just laughed. “Yeah, I think she did.”

Castiel was suddenly feeling very brave. “So, are you and her like boyfriend and girlfriend?” he asked, but regretted it immediately afterward. What if he was intruding on Dean’s life too much? After all, they didn’t know each other, and that saddened Castiel a little. He wanted to know Dean.

“No, we’re not. I mean, we used to have a thing, but that’s over. We’re just friends now,” Dean explained. Castiel smiled, relieved at that answer. “The music sucked in there, so it’s a good thing I got the good stuff out here.” Dean turned the car battery on, and pulled a box of cassette tapes from under his seat. He pulled one out and put it in the player, pressing play. “This, Cas, is Led Zeppelin IV.”

A song he had never heard started drifting through the speakers. It was different from anything he had ever listened to before, but he found himself kind of liking it. “I’ve never listened to Led Zeppelin before,” he admitted, and Dean gasped in mock offense.

“How dare you! Well it’s a good thing we know each other now. This song is called ‘Black Dog’. Remember this information, it’s important.”

Castiel nodded and smiled, vowing to himself that he would remember everything Dean told him to tonight.

They sat in Dean’s car for what seemed like hours, just listening to the music. He genuinely enjoyed the songs, especially the one Dean told him was called “Stairway to Heaven”. It was nice to sit there with him, not really talking but doing something with him. He liked to watch Dean as they listened, noticing how his eyes would close when there was a guitar solo, how he would nod along, tapping his fingers on his thighs, how he smiled when a song ended, like he just got done visiting an old friend. Castiel supposed that was what music was to him- a friend. They finished Led Zeppelin IV, and Dean had put in a Foreigner cassette, and when that was over, a Def Leppard one.

Castiel absent mindedly checked his watch. “Shit!” he exclaimed, interrupting the music of “Rock of Ages”. It was one fifteen already, and Castiel was late to meet Charlie.

Dean’s eyes snapped open at Castiel’s outburst, hearing him open the car door and scramble outside. Dean followed after him, getting out quickly and running to the other side. “What is it?” he asked worriedly.

“I’m late,” Castiel said, “I promised my friend I would meet her at one so we could leave. Were we really in there for that long?” Castiel was panicking now; Charlie was going to be _so_ worried.

“A few hours, yeah. Hey, don’t worry. I’m sure she’s gonna be right up there waiting for you,” he said, trying to be reassuring. Castiel just nodded, looking a little calmer. “Cas?”

“Yes Dean?”

Dean was looking at him in _that way_ again. His green eyes staring directly into Castiel’s blue ones. It was the kind of stare that could hold you in captivity for hours, and God, Castiel wished it would. “I had a really great time with you,” Dean said, never breaking eye contact.

Castiel blushed, looking down at his feet. “I did too. Thank you for, you know, showing me your music,” he said, and Dean smiled softly at him.

“Anytime. I mean it. I’m actually gonna head out too, do you want me to walk you back up first?” Dean offered, but Castiel shook his head no.

“I’ll be fine, thank you though.” Castiel waved, and started to turn around to walk back. But, the alcohol wasn’t completely out of his system, so he decided that maybe he should make one last crazy decision before it wore off. He turned back around, and grabbed Dean’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Before he knew it, his lips were on Dean’s.

The kiss was brief, lasting no more than a few seconds, but it was the best few seconds of his life. Making out with Balthazar was _nothing_ compared to this, and this was barely just a peck. When he pulled away, Dean was looking at him with wide eyes. “S-sorry,” Castiel stuttered, though he didn’t mean it. At all.

“Don’t be,” Dean responded, “Don’t be sorry at all. I didn’t mind it.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

There was a few seconds of silence, both of them just looking at their feet, small smiles tugging at the corners of their mouths. It wasn’t awkward though, in fact, it was the most comfortable silence Castiel had ever experienced. Dean was the first one to break it. “You should probably get back to your friend now,” he said, and Castiel nodded.

“Yeah, probably.” He took a few reluctant steps back.

“I’ll see you around?” Dean asked.

“Most definitely,” Castiel replied. “Goodbye, Dean.” He turned around and started walking back toward the house before he had the urge to go back and kiss Dean again. Had he actually just kissed Dean?

When he got back to the house, the smile was still plastered on his face, and Charlie was standing at the top of the steps, arms wrapped around her for warmth. Castiel was right, she looked pretty damn worried. When she noticed him, she came running down the steps as fast as her stilettos would let her. “Where the hell have you been. man? You’re almost a half hour late!” She said punching his arm.

“I know, I’m sorry Charlie. Let’s go home and get to bed.” He put an arm around her cold shoulders and led her to his car.

When they got in, the first thing she said was, “You better have been hooking up with someone.”

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. “Not exactly,” he responded, and drove away from Bela Talbot’s mansion.

* * *

_2015_ **  
**

When Castiel walked back into the kitchen, he was surprised to see Meg up. She was sitting at the counter, drinking a cup of coffee and reading what looked like Cosmo. Castiel sat on the stool across from her, resting his chin in his hand. "Welcome home Clarence," she said, not looking up from the magazine. 

He wondered if he should tell her about Dean making a little visit. She knew the whole story about him, the good and the bad. She didn't seem to mind that he was bisexual, but sometimes it definitely put a strain on their relationship. Telling her about Dean would only make her annoyed, and she was no fun to deal with when she was annoyed. 

"I'm surprised to see you up so early," he commented, using his nail to scratch off a sticky spot on the granite. 

"I'm surprised to see you have no groceries in your hands," she said.

Shit, he had forgotten to grab those from the back seat. He couldn't help what Dean did to him. 

"I forgot them in the car," he said, standing back up. "I'll go get them." He walked back out to the parking lot and unlocked his car, grabbing the bags from the backseat before heading back inside. The milk was warm, and the butter was soft, almost melted. Meg wouldn't be pleased about that. He set them on the counter as Meg was standing up, going to put her now empty mug in the sink. 

"What's got you so distracted?" she asked, turning around and leaning back against the counter. 

"Nothing, just didn't sleep well last night," he lied. 

"Bullshit. When I got home from the hospital you were sleeping like a baby," she pointed out. Castiel sighed, he had never been a good liar, especially when it came to lying to her. She could always see right through him, almost better than anyone. "I also could have sworn I heard you talking to someone outside."

"How the hell did you-"

"I may or may not have listened in very briefly."

"You were spying on me?"

"Not spying, but I happened to walk by the door just as you were getting home, and I was going to greet you and maybe help with the groceries you almost forgot about."

"Oh." Castiel looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with his fiancee. He really didn't want to tell her about Dean, at least not yet. If she knew, she would freak out. She might even go as far as to accuse Castiel of still having feelings for him. He didn't though, at least he didn't think he did. He remembered that he had agreed to go out for lunch with him tomorrow, so how was he going to explain that? Castiel  _never_ went out to lunch. He always stayed home and made a home cooked meal for he and Meg. He figured that he might as well tell her now and get it over with. When Castiel looked back up, Meg had her arms crossed over her chest and her lips pursed. Wonderful, that was her annoyed look.  

"You gonna tell me who that was you were making plans with? I mean, they sounded pretty insistent about it," she said. "They also sounded pretty male."

Castiel couldn't believe her. Was she really pulling the sexual orientation card? "You're upset because it was a guy?" he asked, trying to clarify before accusing her of anything. They've had this fight one too many times now, and he wondered when she was going to let it go, if she ever would. 

"Slightly because of that, slightly because you were making lunch plans with him when you know we eat lunch together every day. It would make me feel a lot better if you just told me who the hell it was."

"If I tell you, it's just going to make you more upset," he defended. 

"Then you better fucking tell me who it is, cause if you don't, I'll be even more upset than you think I'll be if you do tell me who it is." She was standing right in front of him now, pointing a finger in his face to let him know that she wasn't joking around. He just couldn't believe that she was this angry with him. But, if she insisted that she wouldn't be as upset, he guessed it was the best idea just to say it. 

"Fine," he began, backing up from her finger and sitting back down on a stool. "It was Dean Winchester."

Meg didn't say anything for a moment, and the anticipation of what her reaction would be worried Castiel a little. She wanted the truth, though, so she got it. 

" _The_ Dean Winchester?" she asked, crossing her arms back over her chest. 

"Yes,  _the_ Dean Winchester," he said, and she dropped her arms to her sides, sighing. 

"Why the hell are you making lunch plans with your ex? Your ex  _boy_ friend, to be specific."

"What's the part that bothers you more- the fact that he's my ex, or the fact that he's a boy?" he asked, genuinely curious. She was making no sense right now. 

"I just wish you would tell me if you're becoming gay again!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up.

"Meg, I'm not gay, I'm bisexual! I'm sorry if that bothers you so much, but you seem to forget the fact that me and him broke up for a  _reason_. I'm marrying you, am I not?" 

Meg just groaned in frustration. "That's not the point, Castiel. The point is that your ex boyfriend, who I am aware is the only other person you've ever loved, is here, and you're going out to lunch with him. How am I supposed to know it's not a date?" she asked, sounding exasperated. She looked genuinely upset now, and Castiel started to feel a bit guilty. She was his fiancee, and he was accusing her of being bi-phobic and ignorant, when in reality, she was just scared. He knew he would be scared to if one of her exes came around again, and she agreed to go out to eat with him. 

"Meg," Castiel began, standing up and putting his hands on her shoulders. She refused to look at him directly, instead her eyes were looking somewhere past his shoulder. "Dean isn't here to try to steal me away. If he was, I would have never agreed to go out to lunch with him. He just wants to apologize for what happened in high school, okay?" He shook her shoulders a little, making sure she was paying attention. She looked up at him, and nodded, sniffling a little. 

"Okay," she repeated, and stepped out from under is hold. "Just don't fall in love with him again," she said, and turned around to head back to their room. Castiel ran a hand over his face. He couldn't hurt her, he just couldn't. He decided that it was best to tell Dean he should leave after tomorrow, as much as he kind of didn't want to. 

 


	4. Anticipation

_2015_

That night, Castiel was again sat in front of his computer. He had read and re-read the two chapters he had written at least a dozen times, trying to figure out where to go from there. The novel he was writing this time wasn't yet named, but it was  _supposed_   to be about a boy and a girl who meet one day at the beach and pretty much fall in love at first sight, then the girl finds out that the boy hunts ghosts for a living and is constantly almost dying, so it really puts a damper in their relationship. It was pretty typical, but Castiel was a YA author, and typical love stories with a bit of a twist was what today's youth seemed to enjoy. That was one of the reasons  _The Fallen Angel Chronicles_ became so popular- it had fantasy, forbidden romance between an angel and a human, and all that jazz. 

He had just left off on the part where the boy and the girl, Jonah and Sierra, accidentally bump into each other on the beach, causing Sierra to spill her smoothie all over Jonah. She apologizes and he just laughs it off and they get to talking and  _boom_ , instant attraction. But now, he was stuck. He didn't know how he envisioned them meeting up again, or what they would talk about, or the interesting quirks they would find out about each other, or how the whole paranormal story line would be introduced. His writer's block had never been this bad before.  _The Fallen Angel Chronicles_ came out in a breeze, every book published less than a year after the last. Those were the books that jump-started Castiel's career.  _Maybe I'm just a one-hit-wonder_ , he thought. 

He picked up his mug and took a sip of his coffee. It was going to be another late night, he guessed. He had promised himself when he sat down that he would get at least half of chapter three done, just to get the ball rolling. 

Meg hadn't spoken to him since their argument earlier, but she had come in to bring him some dinner. It was Meg's famous cheeseburger casserole, one of Castiel's favorites. That, and the fact that she kissed him on the cheek before she went back out, let him know that they would be okay, they both just needed some time to cool down. Funny, Dean had told him that same thing earlier. Castiel fought away all thoughts of the man. The last thing he needed was another distraction from writing, and Dean was the perfect one. He could worry about him tomorrow, when they were at lunch. 

It was another half hour before Castiel had gotten a few paragraphs written. It was a start, but it wasn't even close to what he needed to get done. Chuck had always said that the secret to writing a good, long novel was to make every chapter at least ten pages long. Castiel didn't really know how length effected quality, in fact, some of his favorite books were pretty short, but who was he to argue with a professional author/his father? That rule had worked with last books, after all. Knowing that he was going no where, he saved the document and shut down his computer. He yawned, stretching his arms above his head. The clock read that it was only eleven, but today had been such a long day that it made him feel like it was at least three in the morning. Staring at a bright screen for hours on end hadn't really helped either. 

When he went back into the bedroom, the bed was empty. Castiel hadn't even noticed that Meg left for work already. Judging by the time, she had been gone for at least an hour already. He wandered into the bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth. Looking in the mirror, he ran a hand through his hair, messing it up a little. The memory of getting ready to go to his first ever party popped into his head, but he tried his best to ignore it. "No," he said to his reflection, "you can't think about that night. Especially not now."

He walked out of the bathroom and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before climbing into bed. It was colder and emptier without Meg there beside him, but he had gotten used to it over the past few months of her being on the night shift at the hospital. It was only a few minutes before Castiel found himself drifting off. And though he tried to fight it, he really did, he couldn't help but think about Dean. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about how shocked he had been to see him standing right outside his door, ready to knock and let himself back in his life. The heartache he felt at seeing his face again was almost as painful as it was the last time they saw each other. Castiel thought he was over Dean, he really did. But it wouldn't be the first thing he had been wrong about in his life. 

A pair of bright green eyes was the last thing on Castiel's mind before he finally slipped into unconsciousness. 

* * *

 At exactly seven Castiel's alarm went off, the unpleasant beeping piercing into his ears. Without opening his eyes, he smacked his hand on the clock, searching for the snooze button. When he rolled over onto his back, he noticed Meg was in bed next to him. Castiel slipped out from under the covers as quietly as possible and ran into the bathroom to shower. Less than twenty minutes later he was dressed in usual light blue button up, khakis, and back in front of the computer with a large mug filled to the brim with black coffee. It was only another ten minutes before Castiel gave up on trying to write again. Even though he had gotten a full eight hours and plenty of caffeine in his system, he couldn't seem to think straight enough to type up anymore of the story.

For breakfast, as usual, he made himself some scrambled egg and toast. He only made enough for one person, since Meg wouldn't be up for another five hours or so. It was always quiet in the apartment, because most of the time when Castiel was awake, Meg was asleep, and whenever she was awake, Castiel was working or out running errands. They had been so busy doing things without each other that they hadn't even looked at wedding plans in over a month, and the last time was just to figure out if they wanted a band or a DJ (they went with a DJ, because they couldn't exactly agree on a set-list for the band).  

Castiel stood up from where he was sitting at the island and grabbed the planning binder from where it sat on the counter right next to the fridge. It was collecting a thin layer of dust on the top, so he wiped it off with the bottom of his t-shirt. The binder was white, decorated with little stickers of wedding bells and wedding dresses and tuxedos on the front. Meg had done it herself- in fact, she had been doing most of the planning herself. She worried that if she let anyone else take care of it, they would screw something up. It all had to be absolutely perfect in order for it to meet her standards. Meg rarely even let Castiel in on the plans, and he was genuinely surprised when she asked him for his opinion on the music. He opened the binder up, the first slip of paper in it was a draft of what she wanted the invitations to look like. The one in there was cream colored with little lilac roses in the corners. That must have been the main color of the wedding, he guessed. In the middle it just had their names and the date, February 4th. According to Meg, the date was close enough to Valentine's Day to still be super romantic, but not close enough that it seemed cliche. He couldn't help but wish it were father away, even though it was only April and they had another six months to go. 

He flipped through a few more of the pages, filling himself in on all of the plans he didn't help create. He was correct about the color, it was lilac, and the tables would be decorated with white table cloths, a lilac sash going over the middle and a mason jar filled with a bunch of fancy flowers Castiel didn't know the name of as the centerpieces. He didn't really understand the whole mason jar trend lately, but it was what she wanted, so she was getting it. Other than those few plans, they really had nothing figured out. Meg hadn't even had time to go pick out a dress yet. 

By the time he was done looking through the binder, it was after eight thirty. Castiel's stomach dropped when he realized that in a little under four hours he would be meeting up with Dean again. He hoped Dean was coming back here, as their lunch plans hadn't been the most clear thing in the world. He only hoped Meg would still be asleep by that time. She would  _insist_ on meeting Dean, and Castiel wasn't sure that he was ready to see how that confrontation would go. No doubt, it would end up with a pissed off Meg, a confused Dean, and a very embarrassed Castiel. Yep, definitely not the most appealing sounding thing in the world. 

For the next couple of hours, Castiel binged watched episodes of "How I Met Your Mother". Charlie had recommended to him a few months ago that he start it, since it was one of her favorite shows. He was well into the fourth season now, and though it was very funny and had a well thought-out plot line, he didn't quite get it. The main character, Ted, was on an epic search for a soulmate, and it frustrated Castiel that he kept thinking he had found them, but then by the end of the episode he would realize that he was completely wrong. Was it really that difficult to realize if someone was right for you? It only took Castiel two relationships to find the person he wanted to marry. If you want to marry them, they're your soulmate, right? Well, there was Stella, Castiel remembered, whom Ted was supposed to marry but then she left him at the altar. 

Castiel tried to ignore that negative thought. 

When eleven thirty rolled around, his stomach was in knots. He had turned off the TV an hour ago, trying to find little things to keep him busy. Castiel couldn't remember the last time he had been this anxious about  _anything_. Meg was still sleeping, so that was a plus. He decided to write her a little note to leave on the counter, reminding her that he was gone. He didn't mention anything about Dean, figuring that she could figure it out for herself, so pushing it wasn't necessary. 

As the minutes crept closer to noon, Castiel found himself drifting closer and closer to the door. He already had his keys in hand, and his favorite trench coat was draped over his arm due to the fact that it wasn't supposed to get above fifty. He didn't put it on yet, as he didn't want to seem like an over-eager freak. He leaned against the wall in the hallway, tapping a foot impatiently. Okay, so maybe he was a bit of an over-eager freak. It wasn't every day that an attractive male whom you've had previous sexual relations with came to your door and asked to have lunch with you, so, who could really blame him?  _Meg could,_ he thought, and made a mental note to stop thinking about Meg when it came to Dean. Except maybe he should, since she was his fiancee and all. 

When he heard a fist rapping on the door almost hesitantly, Castiel pushed off from the wall, and slipped on the trench coat. Immediately, he felt better. 

_Okay_ , he said to himself as he reached for the doorknob,  _Time to commence operation: Do Not Fall for Dean Winchester Again._

He wasn't sure how well his plan was going to work. 

 


	5. The Second First (Not) Date

_2015_

Dean was standing there with his hands in his pockets, eyes glancing around nervously when Castiel opened the door. He looked good in his red and white flannel unbuttoned over a black t-shirt, and torn blue jeans. His style hadn’t changed at all since high school, but neither had Castiel. It was weird how some things changed so much, but then others stayed exactly the way they were. Dean smiled when he looked up at Castiel, teeth and all, and it practically knocked all the air out of Castiel’s lungs. He gave a tight-lipped smile back, trying his hardest to seem unaffected. If Dean kept looking at him the way he was looking at him now, though, he knew that the facade he was so desperately trying to keep up would collapse right underneath him.

Dammit, why did Dean have to be so attractive?

Castiel turned his back on the other man to shut and lock the door, taking a deep breath as he did so. He could do this, he would be okay. They were just going out to lunch as old friends, not as a date. Well, not exactly as old friends either. More like they were going out to lunch as two people who used to be in love, but weren’t anymore. Yeah, that was better.

“You ready?” Dean asked when Castiel was once again facing him. He looked so hopeful, like today was going to be the best day of his life. Castiel wanted desperately to match that look, but he just couldn’t.

“I am,” he responded, smoothing a hand down the front of his button up.

“All right, let’s go then.”

Dean began walking back towards the Impala, Castiel following a few feet behind. He didn’t want to be too close to him, fearing that he would get the urge to reach out and grab his hand like he used to do. Dean climbed in the driver’s side, and hesitantly, _very_ hesitantly, Castiel got in as well. A huge wave of memories flooded his find for probably the millionth time in the past twenty-four hours. This car used to mean almost as much to Castiel as it did to Dean. So many good things had happened in here that he couldn’t help himself but smiling fondly at the memories.

“Are you actually smiling?” Dean asked, snapping Castiel back to attention. Castiel forced his face into a passive expression, ashamed that he was caught.

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied, sounding completely unbelieveable.

“Hey, I don’t blame you. This car has a lot of good memories, as I’m sure you recall.” Dean winked at him, and Castiel turned to look out the window, feeling heat rising to his cheeks. Why did Dean have to bring that up _again_? Dean started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot onto the street. The familiar purr of the engine was almost comforting, as much as Castiel hated to admit it. He never got this feeling of calmness while driving with Meg, only the feeling of anxiety that he would do some little thing wrong and get yelled at.

Dean reached down to turn on the radio, and a band that sounded like Metallica floated through the speakers. They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither feeling the need to say much, but Castiel’s mind was reeling. Metallica was one of the bands in high school that Dean loved but he could never really get into. They were a bit too heavy for him, and he could very clearly remember Dean giving him crap for it all the time. It really annoyed Castiel at the time, cause he liked almost all of Dean’s other favorite bands, and Led Zeppelin had actually become one of his all time favorites. He had never really had a favorite band before then, always just listening to whatever was popular at the time or what Charlie forced him to listen to. Thinking of Charlie, he wondered if he should call her later on to tell her about Dean coming back. He didn’t think she’d be too excited since she knew exactly what Dean had done to him, but he needed to talk about this to someone other than his fiancee, someone who would actually listen to him and understand his feelings.

It suddenly occurred to Castiel that he had no idea where Dean was driving them. They hadn’t agreed on a place to eat at the day before. “Where are we going?” he asked, interrupting Dean’s humming. Dean jumped a bit, not prepared to hear Castiel talk in the silence that had been between them for a few minutes.

“Uh, well, I can’t exactly afford something super expensive, so I was thinking Biggerson’s? If you wanna choose something else, that’s fine with me,” Dean said, and Castiel couldn’t help but roll his eyes and smile a little. Biggerson’s had always been Dean’s favorite restaurant. Castiel actually loved it too, due to the fact that they made ridiculously good burgers, and burgers were his absolute favorite food. He hadn’t eaten there in years- Meg had always refused to let him go because it was so unhealthy and cheap.

Wait a second, was Dean planning on paying for him? There was nowhere in town that cost a lot of money for one person, and Dean had said he couldn’t afford anything expensive. Dean _was_ planning on paying for him. If Dean payed for him, that meant that this was a date, and this was _not_ a date.

“Well it’s a good thing you’re only paying for yourself then,” he said nonchalantly, trying to hint to Dean that he wasn’t going to let him pay for the both of them.

“Hey, don’t go trying to split the check on me here. I invited you out, I’m paying, okay?” Dean said, his tone of voice suggesting there was no room for any argument. Okay, maybe he could let Dean do him this one favor, just as a way to make up for high school. That’s the reason Dean was here, after all.

“Biggerson’s is fine,” Castiel said, quietly agreeing.

“Good,” Dean replied. There was a few more moments of silence, and out of the corner of Castiel’s eye, he could see Dean’s face change to a look of sudden realization. Dean smacked a hand on his forehead.

“Shit, I can’t believe I completely forgot,” he said, and Castiel just looked at him in confusion. Dean slowed down to a stop at a red light, drifting the Impala into the left turning lane. Castiel pointed out his window.

“Biggerson’s is to the right, Dean,” he said, and Dean shook his head.

“We’re not going to Biggerson’s Cas, we’re going somewhere better.”

Castiel had no idea where else Dean would want to go, until he made the left turn and on the side of the road, Castiel could see another restaurant coming into view. It was The Roadhouse, a bar and grill owned by Dean’s surrogate aunt and uncle, Bobby Singer and Ellen Harvelle. He had completely forgotten about this place, hadn’t been back since before he left for college. If there was one place Dean liked more than Biggerson’s, it was The Roadhouse. Dean pulled into the lot, parking the Impala in a spot near the door. They both climbed out, Dean eagerly heading towards the entrance, and Castiel following closely behind.

The inside of the restaurant was dimly lit, and it felt warmer than it should, due to the fact that it was still summer and most places had the air conditioning blasting on high. There were a few tables scattered around, booths lining the walls, a bar on the right side, and a pool table in the middle. It was just like the last time Castiel had been here. He was filled with nostalgia, immediately comparing the place to the restaurants he usually ate with Meg and her family; this place was much more inviting. There weren’t many people in the place, just a few sitting in some booths, and a couple of people playing pool. He looked behind the bar and saw a familiar looking girl wiping the surface with a rag. She was tiny, with blonde hair and a pretty face. Castiel instantly recognized her when she looked up- it was Jo Harvelle. She was one of his classmates at Lawrence High and the daughter of Ellen Harvelle, making her Dean’s illegitimate cousin. She smiled when she saw the two men, and Dean made his way over to her.

“Dean!” she practically squealed, running out from behind the bar and throwing her arms around his neck. Dean hugged her back, picking her up off of the ground. She laughed, hitting his arm and he set her back down.

“Hey there Joanna,” Dean said, reaching a hand up and messing up her hair. She smacked away his hand, and smoothed it all back down.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” she said, giving him a look of mock-annoyance. Dean just laughed. “Where the hell have you been?” she asked, now sounding more genuinely annoyed, and little upset. “I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Around,” Dean said, not elaborating. Jo rolled her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” She looked over to Castiel, who was standing there awkwardly. He hadn’t wanted to interrupt their little reunion. “Castiel Shurley!” Jo greeted, giving him a smile. “I haven’t seen you since high school!” She bounced over to him and gave him a big hug, Castiel hugging back very hesitantly. “Where have _you_ been?” she asked once she let go.

“Uh,” Castiel began awkwardly. He used to come here all the time with Dean, so she obviously knew him from that as well. He worried that if he admitted that his just stopped coming here, even though he still lived in town, that it would offend her. There was nothing else he could really say, though, so he was honest. “I still live in town.”

“And you haven’t come to visit?” Her bottom lip jutted out into a fake pout. Castiel scratched the back of his neck a shrugged.

“I’m just messing with you,” she said, hitting his shoulder lightly. She looked back to Dean, who was watching the two of them with a look of fondness in his eyes. “I’m gonna go tell mom and Bobby you’re here. I know they’ll both be happy to see you.” With that, she walked away, calling over her shoulder that they can seat themselves anywhere. Dean nodded his head towards a booth in the corner, gesturing to Castiel to follow behind. They sat down in the booth on opposite sides, and Castiel recognized the booth as the one he and Dean used to sit at all the time for privacy. Nerves filled him like a balloon. Was Dean trying to stir up these memories on purpose? If he was, it was working like a charm.

There was a few minutes of silence as Dean looked over the beer menu, biting his bottom lip in concentration. It was difficult not to stare, as much as Castiel fought it. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, Dean Winchester was the most attractive male he had ever seen in his life. Castiel could describe himself as average at best, though he knew people would deny that. His only truly outstanding feature, he thought, were his bright blue eyes, but they had nothing on Dean’s emerald green ones. Castiel couldn’t help but agree that alcohol sounded like an amazing idea, so he grabbed his own beer menu and looked it over. He decided that he would stick to the basics and order a Bud Lite. He figured Dean would pick something more fancy, as he was pretty much an expert on beer, and had been since high school.

Jo came back over a few minutes later to take their orders, Dean ordered a Sam Adams and a bacon cheeseburger with fries, Castiel asked for a chicken caesar salad and Bud Lite. Their beers were served to them first in tall glasses.

Dean took a sip of his drink and looked up at Castiel to give him a closed mouth smile. “So, what do you do now Cas?” he asked, rotating the ring he always wore on his right hand.

Castiel cleared his throat, pushing his own menu aside, clasping his hands on the table in front of him. “I am a fairly well known author now,” he said, a little surprised Dean didn’t know that already. No, he wasn’t famous enough to be going on late night talk shows and be doing interviews with People Magazine, but he had been on Good Morning America a few times.

Dean nodded, looking impressed. “Really? What have you written?” he asked.

“So far I’ve written a trilogy called _The Fallen Angel Chronicles_. They’re young adult books, so I won’t be offended if you haven’t heard of them or read them.”

Dean’s smile widened. “I have heard of those! Sammy’s girlfriend Jess read them. It was all she talked about for weeks.” Castiel blushed a bit, he never knew how to react properly when people praised his work. “Now that I think about it, I should have realized you were the author. I thought they sounded familiar,” Dean said.

Castiel didn’t put his full name on his books, instead just opting for his initials. All his books were penned under the name C.J. Shurley, short for Castiel James Shurley. “Yes, I don’t use my full name,” he clarified.

“It’s amazing that you actually got to fulfill your dream of becoming an author, Cas. Not many people get to do what they’ve always dreamed about doing with their lives.”

Castiel nodded. He had always been told he would get nowhere with writing, despite the fact that his father had been successful. He was more determined to prove those people wrong than anything, so he did. “What about you, Dean?” Castiel asked. “What are you doing with your life?”

Dean cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck, leaning back into the bench a bit. “Still a mechanic. Uncle Bobby gave me his shop up in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I don’t know why, but he trusts me enough to run his business, so that’s what I do. Not exactly the dream, but it’s a good enough life.”

“So you live there?” Castiel asked, taking a drink of his beer.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I used to just work there and run the shop while Bobby was living here in Lawrence, and after a few years he figured it would be easier to just let me have it. It was one of the most generous things anyone has ever done for me.” Dean stared down at his glass, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a little smile.

“Bobby is still like a father to you?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, better one than my actual father ever was,” Dean said with a shrug.

Castiel didn’t know much about Dean’s father. Dean never let them meet when they were together. All he knew was that he gave Dean and Sam crappy childhoods after the death of their mother, and they moved around a lot. Castiel could sort of understand the whole growing up without a mother and having a distant father thing, since his mom was hardly ever there when he was younger and his father never spent time with him and Gabriel. They never moved though, they had lived in Lawrence since before Gabriel was even born. He couldn’t even imagine what it had been like for Dean- what it was like to be uprooted every couple of months, forced to adjust to another town, another school. Maybe that was one of the reasons Dean had done what he had to Castiel...he was desperate to fit in for once, not to be the weird kid who showed up sometime in the middle of the year and disappeared not long after.

He shook that thought out of his head. How could he think that? There was no real excuse for Dean’s actions.

His thoughts were interrupted by a plates of food being set in front of him and Dean. He looked up to see Ellen Harvelle with a wide smile on her face. “Welcome back, Dean,” She said, and he stood up to give her a big hug.

“How you been, Ellen?” Dean asked, squeezing her tight against him. Dean practically towered over her. He sat back down on the bench, licking his lips at the sight of his burger. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“I’m married to Bobby, does that answer your question?” she asked, and Dean laughed.

“Where is the old man, by the way?” Dean asked, looking around the room.

“He’s on the phone with Rufus, so who knows how long he’ll be.” She turned towards Castiel, putting hand on her hip. “You’re Castiel, right?”

“I am,” he replied, a little surprised she remembered him. He had only spoken to her a handful of times. She gave him a warm smile.

“It’s good to see you again,” she said, patting him on the shoulder. “Well, I’ll leave you boys alone to eat your food. Bobby will be out whenever he’s done.” She rolled her eyes, and pointed a finger at Dean. “You keep out of trouble, you hear?”

Dean held his hands up in mock surrender. “Yes ma’am.”

Ellen chuckled and turned away to go back into the kitchen. “All right, let’s dig in,” Dean said eagerly, picking up his burger with two hands and taking a huge bite. He moaned around the bite, and Castiel was not _at all_ aroused by it. Nope, not one bit. He picked up his fork, pushing around his salad a bit. He took a bite, and it was good, but he couldn’t help but wish that he had gotten a burger as well. As Meg was a nurse, she was all about eating healthy. It was a little difficult to deal with at first, but over the years, it got easier, and Castiel actually began to enjoy it. But now, seeing Dean sitting in front of him, making inappropriate noises with every bite of the sandwich, a big, greasy burger seemed like the most delicious thing in the world at the moment. So did Dean, but he ignored that.

They ate their meals in a comfortable silence, occasionally sneaking glances at each other. It was much less awkward between them today than it was yesterday. Castiel was stuffed by the time he was finished, folding his napkin neatly and setting it on the table as Dean just crumpled his up. Dean down the rest of his beer and let out a loud burp, ever the gentleman. “Excuse you,” Castiel said, narrowing his eyes. Dean just laughed instead of thanking him.

“Still got that stick up your ass?” Dean asked, smirking. Castiel looked away, irritated. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Dean’s face fell for a second when he realized Castiel wasn’t at all amused by the comment. “Hey, I was just kidding.” He reached his hand across the table to put it on top of Castiel’s, but Castiel pulled his back. “I’m sorry-”

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” Castiel said, suddenly feeling insecure again. He looked down at the hand Dean had just touched, balling it into a fist. He looked up at Dean to see that now familiar apologetic look on his face.

“That was out of line, and I’m sorry,” Dean said, looking more honest than ever. “Just please don’t regret letting me take you out, cause I’m having a great time.”

Castiel sighed. He couldn’t deny it, he was having a pretty good time as well, as much as he hated himself for it. “Yeah, I am too,” he said quietly, watching the way Dean’s worried look moved effortlessly into a smile.

“Good. Because this isn’t the end of it.”

“What?”

“Hey Jo, could you bring us the check?” Dean shouted, and Castiel narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “You’ll see,” he said with a smirk.

“I did not agree to anything other than-”

“Cas, stop. Just trust me, okay?”

Castiel just nodded. For some dumb, ridiculously stupid reason, he did. Jo came over and said their food was on the house, but Dean refused, throwing a twenty and a five onto the table before she could stop him. “Stubborn ass,” she muttered as Dean stood up to give her a kiss on the top of the head.

“See you later, Joanna. Tell Bobby I’m sorry I missed him!” he called over his shoulder. They made their way back to the door, waving goodbye to Ellen. Once they were back in the Impala, Dean turned on the radio. The opening chords of “Dust in the Wind” floated through the speakers, and Castiel’s stomach dropped. It was Dean’s favorite song. The one song that Castiel had done everything in his power to avoid listening to for the past fifteen years. Dean reached over to crank the volume. “Fuck yes,” he said, throwing the car into reverse. Castiel tried his best to tune out the song, focusing on other things. He attempted to make a mental storyboard for his book, as doing so always distracted. He couldn’t think of anything though, the music was too loud and distracting.

The car ride passed with no talking. The only sound was Dean singing at the top of his lungs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Castiel wondered where Dean was taking him now. He sort of wanted to just go home at this point, to lay down on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket and watch How I Met Your Mother. But, he was curious about the mystery place. There were a million places Dean could be taking him in Lawrence, but there wasn’t anything extremely special around.

So, it shocked him when he looked forward and saw the old playground coming closer. _Shit_ , Castiel thought, _this is the last place I want to be with Dean_. It wasn’t just any playground- it was the playground that Dean first asked Castiel to be his boyfriend on. He hadn’t been there since high school, and now, Dean was taking him back.  

****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update! School is starting next week, and show choir just started and I just got a new job so I've been extremely busy. I already have a paper due for AP English by the 23rd, so that's going to be top priority, and I wouldn't expect the next chapter before the next week or two. I will try update every two weeks at the most, but depending on circumstances (what I listed above), it may be a little longer. I promise I will not abandon this fic! Thank you for reading, and for your patience :)


	6. A New Feeling

_1999_

Sunday morning, Castiel awoke in Charlie’s bed with a pounding headache. He also sort of felt like he was going to throw up if the room didn’t stop spinning. Groaning, he leaned over the side of the bed (conveniently, there was a garbage can placed there), and let out the contents of his stomach. Castiel didn’t understand how he was this hungover- he didn’t get that drunk last night. At least he was sober enough to drive home, though he probably still shouldn’t have. It was his first time getting drunk, though, so it didn’t surprise him that he was a bit of a light-weight.

He rolled back over onto his back, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, and taking a deep breath. The nausea wasn’t nearly as bad now. What had even happened last night? He could remember bits and pieces; Charlie running inside without him, watching people play beer pong, and for some reason, he could remember music. Not the music that played through the large speakers, but...quieter music. Less modern.

Then he remembered Dean. Dean singing to Lisa, but looking directly at him. Dean taking Castiel to his car to get away from the crowd and just listening to his music. Kissing Dean. Yep, now he very clearly remembered kissing Dean. He felt his face begin to burn and pulled Charlie’s comforter over his head, hiding himself from the world. Why on Earth had he kissed Dean? What the actual hell was he thinking? There was no way Dean liked it, no way Dean wasn't straight. But, if Castiel remembered correctly, he hadn’t pushed him away. He turned his head towards Charlie’s side of the bed to see the redhead snoring softly with the side of her face pressed into the pillow.

“We...we gotta kill the vampires…” she mumbled. Castiel smiled, and put a hand on her shoulder to shake her awake.

Charlie’s eyes snapped open and she sat up as quick as lightning. “Kill it!” she yelled, and Castiel broke down laughing, also feeling a bit of nausea coming back on. Charlie looked over to him, placing a hand over her heart and collapsing back down onto her pillow. “Jesus Castiel, you scared me to death!” She reached over to smack him on the arm.

“You were talking in your sleep again,” he said.

Charlie sighed. “Yeah, doesn’t surprise me. I was dreaming about The Red Scare again,” she said before putting her head between her hands. “Oh God, I have a _killer_ headache. How are you feeling?” she asked, looking over at Castiel.

“Not pleasant,” he replied. “I made good use of the garbage can you placed by my head before I woke you up.”

“What garbage can?” Charlie leaned over to him to look off the side of the bed. She gasped, putting a hand over her mouth. “Dammit, Castiel! That’s my bookbag!”

 

* * *

 

By the time Monday came back around, Castiel was itching to see Dean again. He walked into home ec eagerly, hoping to see him sitting at his desk in the back. He frowned when he saw the desk empty. Unfortunately, Crowley and the minions were there. Castiel rushed past them to his desk, and thankfully the didn’t notice his presence. The bell rang only a moment later, and he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He really wanted to talk to Dean about Saturday, well, if he even wanted to talk about it. Who knew if Dean would even act like Castiel existed the next time they saw each other? Ms. Milton cleared her throat at the front of the room, gathering all of the student’s attention. She quickly took attendance and then began. **  
**

“Alright class, today we will be working on an essay.” The entire class groaned, with the exception of Castiel as he actually enjoyed writing, no matter what it was about. He actually smiled a bit, opening up his notebook to a blank page, ready to begin an outline for it. “Over the couple weeks, we have been discussing the fundamentals of a family. The different types, what makes one stable, and what family means. So for your next big assignment, I want you to write two pages about what family means to you personally. I’ll give you the rest of the hour to create an outline, and the final draft will be due Wednesday. You make work with someone to help prompt ideas.” With that, Ms. Milton sat back down at her desk.

As people began moving to different desks to sit by their friends, Castiel’s stomach dropped. He had no idea what family meant to him. Family was not his strong point, as his wasn’t what was considered “stable”. To him, family meant fending for yourself for dinner while your mother was away on business and your father was locked in his office writing his latest novel; relying on only yourself and your big brother to clean the house and make sure you got to school on time. How the hell was he supposed to write a two page essay about that?

He looked up in time to see Dean wandering into the classroom, handing a yellow slip of paper to Ms. Milton. She read it and sighed. Not an annoyed sigh, but a pitying one. She quietly spoke to him, probably explaining what they were doing today, and Dean nodded, making his way to the back. He looked around for a moment, and his eyes landed on Castiel’s. A small smile graced his lips, and he made his way over.

“Dean!” Castiel heard Lisa call, but Dean just ignored her, dragging a chair closer to Castiel’s desk and setting his backpack on the ground. Castiel couldn’t help but glance over at Lisa, who was obviously pouting. He had to suppress a smile. Dean sat down in the chair, clasping his hands together on the desk.

“Hiya Cas,” he greeted with a smile, and Castiel looked down at his own hands in his lap, face burning.

“Hello Dean,” he responded quietly. He wondered why Dean was even sitting by him. Of course, Castiel was happy it was happening, but didn’t Dean hate him after what he did at the party?

“So, about Saturday…” Dean began, and Castiel glanced up. Dean was looking directly into his eyes, an eyebrow raised.

“I’m sorry about Saturday, Dean. I understand if it made you uncomfortable,” Castiel said, trying to explain himself. Dean just chuckled, shaking his head.

“Hey, you do remember that I said I didn’t mind it at all, right?” Castiel racked his brain for memories of what happened after the kiss, but couldn’t really recall anything. That kiss had been the only thing worth remembering. So, Castiel just shook his head, blushing again. “Truth be told,” Dean began, rolling up the sleeves of his flannel and leaning back in his chair. “I’m bi, and I think you’re hot.”

Castiel’s head snapped up at this. Dean Winchester was bisexual? _Dean Winchester_? “R-really?” Castiel stuttered, not believing what he was hearing.

“Really. But I’d appreciate if you kept it on the down low...It’s not exactly something I want people finding out right away. Especially not smarmy douches like that.” Dean jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Crowley, who was currently shooting spit balls at the back of some poor blonde girl’s head. Castiel believed her name was Kate.

“Don’t worry Dean, your secret is safe with me. I just- I didn’t expect you to be bisexual.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot from people I know. I guess my reputation hides it well.” He flicked a crumb of some sort off of the desk and onto the tiles.

Castiel took a deep breath. “I’m bisexual as well.”

Dean smiled. “I figured as much.” They just looked at each other for a moment, their eyes meeting like they had so many other times over the past couple of weeks. “Damn, your eyes are the prettiest blue,” Dean said, stare not wavering for a moment.

“And yours remind me of emeralds,” Castiel blurted out, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. He really needed to learn how to control his embarrassment. But Dean just smiled again, clearly not minding.

Castiel cleared his throat, attention going back to the blank page. “We should probably start working on the assignment,” he said, changing the subject.

Dean leaned back in his chair again, clicking his tongue. “All right, what do you know about families, Cas?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Not much,” he admitted, trying to keep from staring at Dean’s muscular forearms. “My parents are never around and I only have one brother who is never really home.”

“My home life is extremely similar,” Dean said, and Castiel nodded. Through the rumors, he already knew a lot about Dean’s home life. “But, like my Uncle Bobby always says: ‘Family don’t end in blood’. Family can mean more than the people you are related to. So, I don’t really consider my dad family, and my mom is dead. My family consists of my little brother Sammy, my Uncle Bobby, my Aunt Ellen, and my cousin Jo. Sammy is the only one blood related, but that doesn’t mean my aunt, uncle, and cousin are any less family to me.”

Castiel sat back and thought for a moment. He had never really thought of it that way, that family can be your friends as well. Thinking it over, Charlie was family. She was probably the most family to him. He guessed that he considered Gabriel family as well, since he raised him more than his actual parents. His mother definitely did not qualify, and though he came closer, his father didn’t either. He considered his cousins Inias and Hester, but they lived in Oregon, so he never saw them. Hester was also kind of a bitch. In reality, there were only two people he considered family, and that was kind of sad, but it did give him more inspiration for his essay. He grabbed his pencil and jotted _Charlie_ and _Gabriel_ onto his paper, while adding in Dean’s Uncle Bobby’s quote beneath that.

“Who are they?” Dean asked, leaning in to get a better look at Castiel’s paper.

“Charlie Bradbury is my best friend, and Gabriel is my big brother,” Castiel explained. “After you explained all of that, they were the only two people I could come up with who truly qualify as family for me.”

“Charlie Bradbury? That chick is pretty cool. Talked to her about _Star Wars_ once,” Dean said, chuckling. “But hey, I’m sorry there isn’t any more people in your life. You deserve more family.”

“You don’t even know me, Dean,” Castiel said, looking at him again.

“I’d like to think I know you a little,” Dean said with a shrug. “And I really wanna get to know you more.”

Dean looked around the room for a moment, and then reached his hand forward to brush his fingertips on Castiel’s. Electricity shot up Castiel’s arm, a feeling that he remembered having when he had kissed Dean. It was a good feeling, so he took a risk and slipped his hand over Dean’s fully, looking directly into his eyes.

“I want to get to know you more, too,” he said, trying his best not to let his voice shake and give away his nervousness.

Dean just gave him a thousand watt smile, white teeth and all. “Good.”

 

* * *

 

_2015_

Dean was the first to get out of the car when they got to the playground. There was no parking lot, so he parked across the street along the curb. Castiel took a moment to gather his thoughts, staring out the driver’s side window at the old swings, the rusted seesaw, and the pathetic looking slide. It wasn’t exactly a child’s dream playground, but with not much else for them to do in Lawrence, it always seemed to be enough for them. Thankfully, there was no one else at the playground, so he and Dean wouldn’t seem creepy and out of place there.

After a few moments, Castiel got out of the car, shutting the door softly. “What are we doing here?” he asked Dean, who was standing in the middle of the road with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Reliving old memories,” he replied, and nodded his head towards the swingset. “C’mon.”

The sat down on the swings, the hinges squealing from the rust. Neither spoke for a few minutes, not wanting to ruin the moment of nostalgia. Castiel could remember he and Dean’s memories at the playground clearly. They mostly good memories, but some were more negative. It was the place they were able to go when they needed privacy in their relationship, as it was hardly used by anyone and it was far enough down the road from town that the people in the buildings couldn’t clearly make out who you were. It was perfect for their situation, both in high school and presently.

Castiel began to wonder if Meg was awake yet. She knew that he would be leaving at noon, and now it was close to two thirty. Did she expect him back at a certain time? Would she be mad at him when he got back? Probably. But, he couldn’t find it in himself to care all that much. She was mad at him more than not these days, though he still wasn’t looking forward to going home and facing her wrath. It wouldn’t exactly be pretty, as their arguments could get pretty bad.

Castiel sighed, and turned his head to see Dean looking at him. Dean didn’t look away in embarrassment at being caught, he just held Castiel’s stare like they had done so many times in their lives. “What are you thinking about?” Dean asked after what must have been a full minute.

“Just my fiancee,” Castiel responded with a shrug. “She knows I’m with you, she’s just not...happy about it, so to speak.”

“It’s not like you’re cheating on her or anything. The furthest we got today was me touching your hand and you pulling away. Hardly along the lines of a sexual encounter.”

Castiel actually allowed himself to laugh out loud at that. “Yeah,” he began, digging his foot in the wood chips to push himself a little on the swing, “It’s not that easy to reason with her. Especially not when it comes to you.”

Dean looked at him again, expression showing clear confusion. “What do you mean?”

“She knows about our past, Dean.”

“Oh.” Dean looked down, nodding a bit. His normally smug look had disappeared into something that resembled sadness, and maybe even regret. “Yeah...I don’t blame her then. If I were her, I’d want you to stay away from me too.”

“Then why are you with me right now?” Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side and squinting his eyes. It was a habit he had when he didn’t understand something.

“Because I’m not her, and I don’t want you to stay away from me.”

Castiel’s heart fluttered in his chest at these words. The same way it did whenever he and Dean kissed back in the day. Hell, the same way it did whenever Dean looked at him. He didn’t want it to, though. He was engaged for Christ’s sake; there was no way that it was okay for him to feel like that again. Meg was the one who should give him those feelings, not Dean.

Never Dean.

He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, he just let his thoughts roll around in his head restlessly. How did he respond to that? He could lie and say that he wanted to stay away from Dean, but what good would that do him? Lying wasn’t going to help anything. It surely wouldn’t change the way he was feeling, either. So, he decided to go for the truth instead.

“I don’t want to stay away from you either,” Castiel admitted, and Dean smiled. God, he was beautiful when he smiled. The sky was getting a little cloudier than it was earlier, and a slight breeze began to pick up. “Is it supposed to rain?” he asked, and Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket, tapping the screen a few times, a slight frown forming on his face.

“Yeah, there’s like a ninety percent chance.”

Right on cue, Castiel felt a raindrop hit one of his hands where it was wrapped around a chain from the old swing. “Great,” he said, wiping it on his pants.

“It’s not bad now. We can stay for a little longer, if you want?” Dean asked, and Castiel nodded.

“So, Dean. Tell me about Sioux Falls.”

They talked for a good hour before the rain really started to pick up. Dean told Castiel all about how he attended South Dakota State after high school, since he knew that he was probably gonna move back out there to work in Bobby’s garage anyway. He earned a bachelor’s in automotive engineering, and went straight into work after graduating. He used live with his brother Sammy in a small apartment, but Sam moved to California in order to attend Stanford to become a lawyer. Now Dean lived alone, and swore he would be paying off that kid’s tuition for the rest of his life. Castiel told Dean about how he stayed in Lawrence like he had always planned on doing, and want to the University of Kansas where he majored in English and then went back to grad school in order to master in creative writing. He told him how he wrote the first book in _The Fallen Angel Chronicles_ trilogy only a year after leaving grad school, it became an instant success, and then he met Meg at one of his book signings at the Barnes and Noble in town. He decided to tell Dean about working on his new novel, but having absolutely no ideas on how to keep it going. Dean nodded along, listening intently as Castiel attempted to explain the plot of the story to him.

“Can I be honest with you?” Dean asked.

“Of course. I appreciate honesty.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I remember. But it’s just the story line. It seems so...cliche. Like, a boy and girl meeting on the beach? That’s not exactly as unpredictable as finding out Vader is Luke’s father.”

Castiel tilted his head in thought. “Is that a _Star Wars_ reference?” he asked, and Dean grinned at him.

“Yes! I’m happy you remembered.” Dean had forced Castiel to sit down and watch all three original _Star Wars_ movies with him back in high school. Though Castiel didn’t remember much, he did recall a few of the big details. After all, _everyone_ , even people who had never seen the movies, knew who Darth Vader was.

“So you’re saying that my ideas are unoriginal.”

“Hey, you said you appreciated honesty,” Dean responded, holding up his hands in defense.

“I do. And I also agree. My first books were so complex and completely out of my own mind that I feel like now I have nothing else to write about,” Castiel admitted.

“Hey, I know there’s something rattling around up there,” Dean said, poking the side of Castiel’s head. “You’ll figure it out.”

Just then, the clouds decided they wanted to empty all of their contents at once, and the two men were quickly becoming soaked. They stood up from the swings and sprinted back to Dean’s car, quickly climbing in and slamming the doors shut. Dean didn’t start the car right away, just looked over at Castiel, who was staring out the passenger window and the rain. “Ready to head home?” he asked, and Castiel nodded.

They were back at the apartment complex ten minutes later, and the rain hadn’t let up at all. Castiel looked at Dean to see that he was already looking at him. Dean looked at him a lot, he realized. They held each other’s gaze for a moment, neither one daring to break the silence. The only noise was the rain pelting the Impala’s roof, and it was oddly calming. “I had a great time,” Castiel said quietly, not looking away from Dean’s green eyes.

Dean nodded in agreement. “Yeah, me too.”

“I should probably go back inside, Meg will be wondering where I am.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Castiel unbuckled his seatbelt and put his hand on the door hands to open it. “I’ll call you?” he said, but it came out more like a question than a statement.

“Oh!” Dean exclaimed, and reached over Castiel to open the glove compartment, pulling out a napkin and a pen. He scribbled something, probably his number, on the napkin, and handed it to Castiel. “Yeah, call me whenever. I plan on being in town for a while.”

Castiel smiled, folding the napkin and putting it in his pocket to protect it from the rain. He reached for the door again, but hesitated. In a moment of pure braveness, he leaned over to press a quick kiss to Dean’s cheek. “I’ll see you later,” he said and quickly opened the door.

“See ya, Cas,” Dean responded as Castiel shut the door. He ran through the rain and up to his apartment with his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t believe he just did that. Slipping inside, he began to shiver from the cool air hitting his wet body. He reached into his pocket to pull out the napkin, unfolding it and smiling down at the digits written in Dean’s neat handwriting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! My beta and I have both been extremely busy with school :( At this rate, updates will probably be every two to three weeks, depending on what I have going on. Thank you SO much to those of you who don't mind waiting for the updates and wanna stick with this story. It means a lot, especially considering the fact that this is my first multi-chapter fanfiction that I haven't wanted to give up on.


	7. Chemistry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait! This chapter was supposed to include a present day part, but I felt so bad for taking so long to update and the 1999 part turned out longer than expected, so I just decided to post the one part. I do have a set plan now for each chapter, so that's really been helping me write. Not sure how often I'll be updating because I'm still extremely busy, but I still promise that I will NOT abandon this story. I love you guys, and thanks so much for sticking with me! (This chapter is un-beta'd, so forgive me for any mistakes!)

_1999_

In Home Ec, Dean had started to sit right next to Castiel every day. Lisa was clearly jealous. Whenever Dean would enter the classroom, her entire face would light up, and she’d pull out the chair from the desk next to her, hoping he would sit there. Every time, though, Dean would give her an apologetic smile and make his way over to Castiel. He didn’t think that he’d ever felt more smugness about anything in his entire life. He and Dean had even begun to hang out. Dean gave him rides to and from school, and occasionally would call Castiel, asking him if he wanted to go on a late night walk, to which Castiel agreed to everytime. They didn’t kiss again though, neither one knowing if it was the right time or not.

Castiel wished that he and Dean had other classes besides just the one together, because Dean just made the class much less of a bore, and distracted him from having to listen to Ms. Milton talk about subjects he couldn’t relate to. However, he still had an A in the class, as Dean always knew a little bit about what was going on. It was clear that Dean was a family man; he even knew all the stuff they had to learn about babies, since he practically raised his little brother himself when they were younger. Now he had his Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen to help out with that.

But, with all of the family talk that went on, Dean never brought up his own father. Castiel understood that it was probably a sensitive subject for him given the rumors about John Winchester that he had heard, but he would have liked to know at least _something_ about the man. He did, however, get his own little glimpse into the relationship between Dean and John when Dean would occasionally show up to school with a bruise around his eye that looked like it was quickly covered up with makeup. It wasn’t exactly right to assume automatically that it was Dean’s father that put them there...but who else could it be? Castiel would have heard by now if Dean was in a fight with someone, as news didn’t exactly travel slowly around Lawrence High school.

Aside from shoving him into the lockers a few times every day and using the nickname “fagstiel” like it was his actual name, Crowley had been pretty quiet lately. He hadn’t bothered Castiel nearly as much as he normally did, and he assumed it had something to do with Dean. Whatever it was, he was thankful for the reduced abuse.

He still hadn’t told Charlie about Dean. He felt guilty about it, but what was there to tell? That he kissed him while he was tipsy at Bela Talbot’s party? They weren’t even...well, Castiel didn’t know what they were. They did flirt a lot...but that was about the extent of it. Charlie also had sort of a big mouth, so he knew that she would probably let it slip to someone, and he didn’t want anyone knowing about whatever it was they had until he and Dean were both ready for everyone to know. If he said that he didn’t want Dean to ask him out any time soon, he would be lying. Being Dean’s boyfriend...well, that was equivalent to being knighted by Queen Elizabeth herself in Castiel’s opinion. Or, maybe he should ask Dean? He didn’t know what he should do. Again, they hadn’t even kissed a second time since the party.

Castiel was standing at his locker grabbing his economics book when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He sighed expecting it to be Crowley coming to pay his dues, but was flooded with relief when he turned around to see Dean’s gorgeous face. “Hey,” he said with a smirk, putting a hand on the locker next to Castiel.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greeted. He couldn’t help the butterflies that had suddenly formed. “How are you?”

“I’m amazing now that I’m talking to you. Chemistry is a bitch.”

Castiel smiled in sympathy and shut his locker. They began making their way towards Castiel’s classroom automatically. It had become routine for them. Dean would meet Castiel at his locker before school, whenever he could during the day, and after school. Charlie had noticed, but Castiel just explained to her that he and Dean had gotten close due to being in the same Home Ec class, which wasn’t _exactly_ a lie, and though she had been a bit jealous that Dean Winchester was stealing her best friend, she went along with it.

“You know...I took chemistry last year, and I ended with a ninety-nine percent,” Castiel stated casually.

Dean hummed. “Did you now?”

“I did. And that one percent I got taken off was just so I didn’t mess up the curve on the final exam,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Interesting. Very interesting indeed. What are you suggesting, Cas?”

Castiel shrugged innocently. “I don’t know...maybe if you needed a tutor, I could find you one.”

Dean grinned mischievously. “That would be great! Do you think that Michael Wheeler would be a good fit?”

Castiel laughed and hit him on the arm. “Assbutt,” he said, and Dean gave him an odd look.

“ _Assbutt_?” he repeated incredulously. Castiel had never been good with insults, but that was one he happened to use quite often.

“It’s just something I used to call Gabriel all the time,” he explained, and Dean nodded in understanding.

“I see. It’s odd, yes, but it suits you.” They now stood in front of Castiel’s destination, much to Castiel’s disappointment. He always thought the walk from his locker to Mr. Sinclair’s room was longer, but with Dean by his side, it just flew by. “In all seriousness, though,” Dean continued on, looking directly into Castiel’s eyes, “I’d love for you to be my tutor.”

Castiel grinned, heart skipping a beat. “And I would love to tutor you, Dean. It would be my honor.”

Dean looked down and blushed. “I wouldn’t go that far. But, hey, thank you so much. Whad’dya say we meet at the old playground after school? We can do it there,” Dean suggested.

“Not one of our houses?”

“I know how your parents are, and my dad would kill me if I brought a boy home to tutor me...especially in chemistry. That practically just screams ‘gay’, ya know?” Dean explained.

Castiel felt himself frown. Was Dean’s father really that against Dean bringing a boy home for help with homework? He supposed that if the fading ring of black and purple around Dean’s eye had anything to say about it, he was. So, Castiel just agreed. “All right, the playground it is then.”

“Okay, sweet...uh, awesome. I’ll see you after school?” Dean said, stumbling over his words again and rubbing the back of his neck.

God, Dean was adorable. “See you then, Dean.”

* * *

 

By the time the bell signaling the end of the day rang, Castiel was practically bouncing up and down in his seat. He bolted out of the classroom at the signal, rushing to his locker. He accidentally bumped into a few people on the way, and he was pretty sure that at one point he caused someone to drop their books, but he didn’t care. He was too damn excited.

Charlie was standing by his locker when he got there, twirling a fiery lock of hair around her finger. “Heya Castiel!” she greeted. “Are you feeling a _Star Trek_ marathon tonight?”

Occasionally on Fridays, he and Charlie got together to watch movies or marathon whatever was on TV that night. They hadn’t done it yet this year, and as much as Castiel wanted to, he also didn’t want to back out on his plans with Dean. He was tutoring him, after all. “I can’t,” he told her, making sure to add a hint of regret in his tone. “I already promised someone that I’d tutor them tonight.” He opened up his locker and shoved his books in his bag, throwing it over his shoulder.

Charlie groaned and dramatically threw her head back against the lockers.  “Curse you and your need to be nice to people.”

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh at her. “Sorry,” he said with a shrug.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s whatever. I’ll just see if Dorothy is free.” She waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively. “Peace out, bitch!” With that, she was off in search of her current flame. Castiel shook his head, chuckling under his breath. She was absolutely ridiculous, but he was proud to call her his best friend.

Just then, Dean walked up. “Hello Dean. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, let’s head out. I have to pick up my little brother and drop him off at home before we go to the playground though, is that okay?” Dean asked, and Castiel nodded. He had never met Sam before, so he was a little nervous, despite the fact that the youngest Winchester was only in eighth grade. Castiel actually shuddered at the thought of Gabriel and Dean meeting formally for the first time. That would go absolutely horrendously.   
They made their way out to the parking lot and headed towards Dean’s car. Just as Castiel was about to climb in, he looked over the hood and saw Crowley. Crowley was leaning against his own car, a black Corvette, and smoking a cigarette. He was also glaring at Castiel. Quickly, he entered Dean’s car, a shiver running down his spine. It definitely wasn’t pleasant to have those cold, brown eyes staring into your soul.

“You okay?” Dean asked. He was already buckled in with the engine running. Castiel glanced out the window past Dean’s head to see Crowley taking a drag of the cigarette, still staring at Dean’s car.

Castiel took a deep breath; trying to get his nerves to leave him. Crowley had backed off for so long, and now he was resuming his more threatening behavior. The shoves and the name calling were nothing compared to what could be coming soon. “Yeah,” Castiel answered, forcing a smile. “Crowley is just...being Crowley.”

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. “One day, that smarmy douche is gonna get what’s coming to him. Probably from me.”

“Thank you, Dean, but I’ve been putting up with his abuse since freshman year. I’m used to it.”

“Exactly,” Dean said with a pointed look before backing out of his spot. He flipped Crowley off as they drove by, and the boy just threw his head back and laughed.

They arrived at the Lawrence Middle School, and it was only a minute or so before Castiel caught sight of a scrawny, almost too tall for his age, boy with floppy light brown hair running towards the Impala. The boy, whom Castiel assumed was Sam, stopped in front of the passenger window, looking at Castiel curiously before shrugging and climbing into the back seat.

“The one time you actually pick me up from school,” Sam began, tossing his book bag on the bench beside him, “I don’t even get to sit in the front seat.”

Dean looked back at him in the rearview mirror, a grin on his face. “Sorry Sammy. Castiel, Sammy- Sammy, Castiel.”

Castiel turned back and held out a hand. Sam took it politely, though he was glaring at his big brother while doing so. “Nice to finally meet you, Castiel. And it’s Sam, by the way, not Sammy.”

Castiel smiled. “Nice to meet you too, Sam.” He turned back around, heart starting to pick up its pace a bit. What did he mean by "finally"? Had Dean talked about him. He felt heat rising in his cheeks at the thought; he hadn’t really talked about Dean to anyone, not even his best friend. But, based on what Dean had told him, he knew that he and Sam were extremely close. Sam, his annoying, genius little brother, was Dean’s best friend. He was the only constant in Dean’s ever-changing lifestyle. Castiel suddenly felt a little envious. He and Gabriel got along just fine, sometimes, but they never had that sibling bond that he had always craved. It was the consequence of being raised in a family that didn’t exactly enjoy spending time together.

“I’m dropping you off at home, then me and Castiel are heading over to the playground to study. You gonna be okay alone with Dad?” Dean asked his little brother. They were back on the road again, and Castiel found himself excited to see where Dean lived. It was just another glimpse into his life.

Sam sighed. “I guess so. I have a ton of homework so I’ll just lock myself in my room.”

“Good idea.”

They drove for a few minutes, until they were turning onto the street that led to one of the worst neighborhoods in Lawrence. It wasn’t terrible, so to speak, but it definitely wasn’t somewhere you wanted to wandering around after dark. The houses there were more run-down and cheap, and slightly questionable people held residence there. It saddened Castiel that Dean and his brother were forced to live there.

Dean pulled the Impala into the driveway of a small, white, one story house. There was a row of dead flowers on the front lawn, and a tree that looked like it was about ready to be chopped down. Castiel could see a few cracks in the stone foundation, and wondered just how old the house was. Sam grabbed his bookbag, and opened the door. “Bye, Dean. I was nice to meet you Castiel.” The two older boys waved goodbye, and Dean waited to make sure Sam got inside safely before reversing back out of the driveway.

“He seems like a good kid,” Castiel commented, and Dean grinned with pride.

“Believe me, he’s the best there is.”  
Dean drove them to the playground, music playing softly through the Impala’s speakers. Castiel grabbed the box of cassette tapes that sat under the passenger seat, and began rifling through them. There were dozens in there- ranging from the Beatles to Metallica, and he smiled when he saw the ones that they listened to at Bela Talbot’s party. That night had become one of Castiel’s favorite memories. As soon as he found the Kansas one, he took it out and looked towards the cassette player, not sure how to work it. He was used to using CD players, and never had to use a cassette in his life. Dean must have noticed Castiel’s struggle, as he grabbed the cassette from his hand with a low chuckle and put it in himself. There was a few moments of static before the music started up. It was, of course, Dust in the Wind.

“Like this song?” Dean asked, and Castiel blushed.

“Yeah...I guess I do. It’s been stuck in my head practically every day since I heard you playing it at the party.”

Dean grinned. “Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

“It was even more beautiful when you were playing and singing it,” Castiel stated.

It was now Dean’s turn to blush.

They arrived at the playground a few minutes later, and they climbed out of the Impala with their book bags in tow. The boys settled on the swings, and Dean pulled out his chemistry worksheet and notes. “Okay, well, we’re working on balancing equations right now, and I just can’t seem to get the concept,” Dean explained, and Castiel nodded along.

“Alright, well, it’s fairly simple. Since you’re doing a combustion reaction, you’ll always start out with the same formula,” Castiel began. He showed Dean the formula, and began to explain how  you balance the different elements, one at a time. Dean nodded as he talked, but Castiel could tell that Dean wasn’t really paying attention to the worksheet.

He tried his best to ignore the way that Dean was staring at the side of his face, causing his heart to start pounding and butterflies to burst into flight in his stomach. How was Dean going to pass chemistry if he didn’t pay attention to the actual work? That didn’t really seem to matter to Dean right then and there. So, with a slightly shaky voice and hands, Castiel finished off the problem.

“Then you just have to look at the numbers and make sure there is an even amount of elements on each side of the reaction. Get it?” Castiel asked, setting the pencil down and looking over at Dean.

Dean’s face was only an inch away from his, his green eyes staring deeply into Castiel’s blue ones. Castiel could hear his heart pounding in his ears, and he swallowed. Could Dean hear his heart beating? He probably could. But, if the expression on his face said anything about it, he probably didn’t care.

Dean’s hand was now slowly coming up to rest on Castiel’s cheek. It was warm and soft, and Castiel couldn’t help but to lean into the touch. Dean’s eyes glanced down towards Castiel lips for a split of a second before looking back into his eyes, as if to ask, “Is this okay?”

All Castiel could do was nod.

Their lips inched closer together, and finally, when Castiel couldn’t stand the anticipation any longer, he closed the gap, putting his lips softly onto Dean’s. They both let out sounds of relief- the past month’s tension finally being let out. When Dean opened his mouth, his tongue slowly dragging along the seam of Castiel’s lips, he let him in. Castiel placed his hands on Dean’s shoulders, pulling him closer and tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Their tongues tangled slowly and softly, forcing a soft moan out of the both of them.

They sat there just kissing for a few minutes (maybe hours), before Dean finally pulled back, placing a quick peck to Castiel’s lips before resting their foreheads together, both breathing heavily.

Dean looked into his eyes again, a small smile forming on his now red and swollen lips.

“I want you, Cas,” Dean said, never breaking his stare.

Castiel just smiled.

“Then I’m yours.”


	8. Content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First- I am SO beyond sorry for the wait on this update. I know, it's been almost three months, and I feel SO bad. I have honestly never been this busy in my entire life, and whenever I could catch a break, I found myself suffering from major writer's block. But I am FINALLY on Christmas break, and over the last two days I have spent as much time as I could writing this chapter for you guys, which ended up being about three times as long as I originally intended it to be, and I even cut some of it out! Anyways, the next chapter will focus a lot more on 2015, as I feel like I've been neglecting that part of the story a bit, as it's hard to balance two different time lines. I will do my best to have that out as soon as possible.  
> Until then, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, and a very happy New Year! :D  
> (This chapter is unedited- I posted it as soon as I finished writing! Sorry for any spelling/grammar errors!)

_ 2015 _

Meg was in the living room watching TV when Castiel entered the apartment. He took off his trench coat, hanging it over of the the hooks on the coat rack. He slipped off his shoes, and even took a few minutes to look through the mail that sat on the table in the hall. Castiel could feel the napkin in his pant’s pocket- pressing against his leg lightly, but heavily with guilt and burden at the same time. Nervously, he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch beside Meg. It was silent for a few minutes, both pretending to be interested in which chef would win the final dessert round of  _ Cutthroat Kitchen _ . It was obvious that the both of them were made uncomfortable by the thick tension in the air. Castiel, however, had gotten used to the feeling of tension over the past couple of days. The elephant in the room seemed to grow about five times larger the longer they sat not speaking, and Castiel was surprised that the apartment ceiling didn’t come crumbling down from the added pressure. 

The episode ended, and it was only a moment before Meg spoke up. “How was lunch?” she asked, not even bothering to take her eyes off of the screen as it switched to a commercial break. 

Castiel cleared his throat, trying to think of an answer that wouldn’t upset her further. Eventually he just sighed. Being honest with Meg was the best route to take at this point. “It was nice.”

Meg nodded, finally turning her eyes on him. “Good. I’m glad.” 

Neither of them said anything else for a while. More episodes of  _ Cutthroat Kitchen _ came and passed. It was nice, Castiel decided, to just sit on the couch with his fiancee and watch a reality TV cooking game show and not argue about anything. It was obvious that she was still upset, but now that she was no longer attacking him about it, he knew that meant she was gradually getting over it. 

That belief was confirmed when eventually Meg leaned over and put rested her head on his shoulder. Relief flooded Castiel’s system like a dam breaking. He turned to place a kiss on top of her head, and he could feel her smile against his shoulder. 

“Meg,” he began, “I don’t want you to worry about Dean, okay? There’s nothing...happening between us anymore.” Castiel mentally slapped himself. That was the biggest lie of the century. Of course there was something happening between them. How could there not be? Meg didn’t need to know that, however. 

“I know, Castiel. I trust you,” Meg said.   
Those words speared like an arrow right through Castiel’s stomach. He didn’t understand how Meg could trust him. He didn’t even trust himself. He had just kissed Dean on the cheek for God’s sake, and that was after only two days of Dean being around. Who knew what he would end up doing in a week- how he would feel about Dean again in a week?

As the two continued to watch TV, Castiel began to think. Maybe if he could convince Meg that Dean had changed somehow. He also wanted to prove to her further that she could (maybe) trust him. And then it hit him- if Dean and Meg met, it would prove to Meg that Dean is not the major asswipe she thinks he is, and that he’s not trying to take Castiel back. It was the perfect plan. And maybe, along the way, Castiel will gain some common sense and realize that he can marry Meg, and just be friends with Dean. It couldn’t be that difficult, right? The idea all made perfect sense in Castiel’s head, even though it really wouldn’t to anyone else. 

He cleared his throat, trying to think up the perfect way to broach the subject to his fiance. At the moment, she was engrossed in  _ Hell’s Kitchen _ . “Dean really has changed, you know,” he said finally. Meg tilted her head to look up at him.

“Hmm?”

“Dean’s different now. He’s not the same jerk that he was when we broke up.”

Meg just sighed.

All right, it was go time. “He’s going to be in town for a while, and I think that...you two should meet. Maybe you’d like him,” he suggested, shrugging his shoulders to seem nonchalant, but his tone made it obvious that he was walking on eggshells with this subject.

Meg removed her head from his shoulder to look at him, narrowing her eyes in thought. He couldn’t really tell what she was thinking, though. Hopefully, she was considering it, and wasn’t going to yell at him for suggesting such an idiotic thing. After all, who in their right mind would want to voluntarily meet their fiance’s ex to see if they get along? Meg, he knew, was different. She was always up for a challenge, and there was almost no doubt that she would never back down out of fear or jealousy. More than likely she would go along just to flaunt her big, shiny, engagement ring in front of Dean, letting him know who had the upper-hand in their awkward love triangle. 

“You know what?” she began, “that’s not a bad idea. Not a bad one at all.” Meg stood up from the couch now, straightening out her scrubs that she never took off until she showered after work. “In fact, why don’t you invite him over for dinner tomorrow? It’ll be Saturday so I don’t have work.”

“Are you being sarcastic?” Castiel asked precariously.

She smiled softly. “Not in the slightest. If you say he’s changed, then I believe you.” She bent down to give him a peck on the lips. “Love you.” 

“Love you too,” he responded as she walked out of the living room and into the bathroom to shower. It shocked Castiel to see her this willing to meet someone that he used to be in love with. He hoped it wasn’t just a plan of her’s to scare Dean off...but she did seem genuine. Maybe she would come around. Maybe they could all be friends and Castiel and Meg could get married without a hitch and everything would be just fine. 

Maybe. 

 

In an attempt to put off calling Dean for as long as possible, Castiel spent a few hours working on his book. Luckily he actually managed to get almost an entire chapter done. He sent a quick text to his father letting him know he was making some progress, to which he, unsurprisingly, replied with a blunt  _ Not good enough for me yet.  _ Castiel sighed, setting his phone down and getting back to work. This book, he figured, would be the death of him. Half of the time, Castiel seriously considered deleting the whole thing and starting over completely from scratch. But, if he did that, it was pretty much guaranteed that Chuck would refuse to work with him anymore. Considering how hard it was to get signed on with a publisher these days, he knew he needed to stick with his father’s company, much to his dismay. 

It was getting late, and Castiel knew that he shouldn’t put it off any longer. Reluctantly he picked up his phone, and reached into his pocket to grab the napkin. He uncrumpled it, and carefully read over the numbers. Should he call? Calling might seem a little desperate, especially since he JUST got Dean’s number. Texting, however- texting was casual. He opened up the messaging app, selecting the ‘new message’ option, and typed the number in slowly, fearing he would accidentally text the wrong person.  

_ Hey, Dean,  _ began to type out, biting his lip.   _ It’s Castiel. I was wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner tomorrow night? Meg is actually interested in meeting you.  _ Holding his breath, Castiel pressed the send button. 

He was surprised when, not even two minutes later, he had a response.  _ That sounds great! What time? _

Castiel’s eyes widened at Dean’s completely willing response.  _ Around 6:30, that’s usually when we have dinner. _

Dean’s next text came even sooner than the one before. Castiel wondered for a moment if he had been waiting for Castiel to text or call him since he dropped him off at the apartment. His heart did a little flip at the thought, but he ignored it.  _ Perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow at 6:30, then :) _

Castiel let out a deep sigh of relief. Okay, he was coming for dinner. Dean and Meg were going to meet, and, hopefully, hit it off. If they ended up hating each other, there was no doubt in his mind that Meg would ban him from seeing Dean ever again. If she did- would he listen? Would he give in to her demands? He wasn’t quite sure that he could answer that question logically at the moment. “You’re overthinking this too much,” he muttered to himself. 

For a few minutes he debated over whether or not he should work on his novel more or if she should just call it a night and go to bed. When he glanced at the tiny digital clock on his desktop he decided on the latter. Not even five minutes later, he was yawning as he climbed under the covers next to a snoring Meg. He smiled at her sleeping figure, and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, closing his eyes and praying to whoever was listening that tomorrow wouldn’t be a complete disaster. 

 

_ 1999 _

Perfect.

That was the only word that Castiel could conjure up in his mind to describe Dean. He played guitar and sang for him, he was sweet, caring, adoring, and selfless. He made Castiel feel important- something he had never felt in his life. And, every single day, Castiel could feel himself falling for the green eyed boy even more. 

They had been officially together for nearly a month now, and the entire time had been pure bliss. The only issue? No one, except for themselves and Dean’s little brother (who had apparently forced it out of Dean the day he got home from the playground with an uncharacteristically wide smile on his face). Gabe didn’t know, his parents didn’t know, and even Charlie didn’t know. That was the one Castiel felt most guilty about it. He was going to tell her. Soon. He just didn’t really know how to bring it up, especially since she didn’t know that there had been anything remotely going on with them whatsoever. She would freak out, that was for sure. But she couldn’t be too mad at him for not telling her right away, right? He honestly didn’t know what to expect. 

One thing was for certain, though, Charlie and Dorothy were going strong. They were now officially together as well, and it only took Castiel giving Charlie a three hour long pep talk to get her to finally ask Dorothy to be her girlfriend. He didn’t know why she was so afraid, they were practically together already, they just hadn’t put a label on it, and it was clear that they were crazy about each other. Castiel was, however, thankful that Dean had been the one to ask him. He didn’t know if he would have been able to do that without having a panic attack, or maybe just plain passing out. 

He and Dean were in the Impala, which was parked down the street from Castiel’s house. It was a Thursday night, and they were sat on the front bench, listening to Dean’s cassette collection. Right now, they were on Lynyrd Skynyrd. Their lips were connected, moving slowly and softly, hands moving between shirts and tangling in hair. It was nice, calming, and everything Castiel didn’t know that he needed. All of his senses were just filled with pure  _ Dean _ . He couldn’t have asked for a more perfect moment in his life. They had been kissing for close to ten minutes now, only breaking a few times for air and to just stare into each other’s eyes, just enjoying the taste of each other’s lips and the soft music in their ears. 

Dean eventually was the one to pull away, placing a quick peck on Castiel’s lips before leaning back completely. He smiled, running the pad of his thumb softly over Castiel’s swollen and shiny bottom lip. “You’re amazing,” he practically whispered, and Castiel couldn’t blush despite the fact that they had literally just been passionately making out. 

“Not really,” he said. It was obvious why he wanted Dean, but he just couldn’t fathom how in the hell Dean wanted him. 

“Hey, yes you are,” Dean reassured him, and while Castiel still didn’t exactly believe him, he nodded. 

They let a few minutes go by in a comfortable silence, Dean’s arm around his waist and his head on Dean’s shoulders. It didn’t matter that they weren’t kissing anymore. It was nice just being in the presence of Dean- quiet and comfortable and reassuring that someone actually has feelings for him. They had been taking their relationship slow, an agreement they came upon mutually. Castiel had only gone as far as making out with a boy, and while Dean had a lot more experience with guys, he knew Castiel didn’t and wanted to make him as comfortable as possible. It was one of the many things that Castiel had loved about him. He never felt pressured or rushed by Dean. Whenever they were ready for things to go further, they would. But, in that moment, they knew that just enjoying each other’s company was enough. 

“Dean?” Castiel said just as Simple Man was ending. 

“Hmm?”

“I wanna tell Charlie about us.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said, leaning away from Dean so he could sit up and actually look at his boyfriend. “I’ve been keeping us from her long enough, and I’m starting to feel a bit guilty.”

Dean nodded in understanding. “That’s understandable, and I am totally on board with her knowing. She’s cool. Just, don’t feel obligated if you’re not ready to tell anyone, okay? Not saying she can’t keep a secret and would tell everyone, but people can be cruel, and I don’t want you to have to put up with more dicks like Crowley, only worse.”

Castiel smirked a bit. “I think I can survive a few bullies.”

Dean sighed, leaning over to press his lips against Castiel’s temple for a moment. “Yeah, I know you can. You’re tougher than you look,” he joked, and Castiel let out a little laugh before lightly hitting Dean in the shoulder. “But really, Cas. I know what it’s like to go through all that shit for liking boys.”

Wait, what? Dean had been bullied for being bi? That was something Castiel had never heard before, and he narrowed his eyes in concern. He wanted to ask Dean what exactly he was talking about, what he had been put through, but then he remembered seeing faded bruises on Dean’s face a few times, and decided it was probably best not to pry. He could end up traveling into some dark, and sensitive territory that he probably wasn’t ready to share with Castiel yet. So instead, he settled with a simple “I’m sorry”, trying to convey all of his concern through those two words. Dean seemed to get it, and he gave Castiel a small smile. 

“Don’t worry about it, babe.” Dean looked at the clock on the dashboard. “It’s getting close to your curfew. You should probably start walking back now.” Castiel frowned and looked for himself, seeing that it was, in fact, almost eleven. He groaned, throwing himself at Dean. 

“Do I have to?” he asked, trying to sound as pathetic as possible. Dean laughed, pushing his boyfriend off of him and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. 

“As much as I hate to see you go, you really do have to. I don’t want your parents killing you for being late, especially if you’re late because of me. I would never forgive myself,” Dean said, squeezing Castiel closer to him. “I’m sorry I can’t drive you back.”

Castiel pulled away to kiss Dean on the cheek. “It’s not your fault, don’t apologize. I would just really rather my parents not see me being dropped off in the late hours of the night by a hot guy in a cool car.”

Dean laughed again, pulling Castiel in for a real kiss this time. It was only a few seconds long, but it still made both of their heart’s flutter. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel said, and slid across the bench so he could climb out of the car. He stood on the sidewalk and watch as the Impala drove away down the street. When Dean turned the corner and was out of sight, he began to make his way towards his house. He found himself walking inside only a minute before curfew, trying to be as quiet as possible as he shut at locked the front door behind him. Taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack, he made his way into the living room, and jumped about a mile in the air when he saw Gabe sitting on one of the recliners with his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap, like he was waiting for Castiel to arrive home so that he could interrogate him. 

“Dammit, Gabe!” he exclaimed, putting a hand on his chest. 

“Home a little late are we, Cassie?” Gabe asked, trying to imitate the voice of a stern father. Castiel rolled his eyes and went over to sit on the couch. 

“I made curfew,” he pointed out. 

Gabriel tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips. “That’s true. But, usually, you’re home at  _ least _ a half an hour beforehand.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at his irritatingly observant older brother. “And you’re familiar with my schedule  _ how _ ?”

“I just notice these things, little bro. What’s got your schedule so out of whack? Or is it a ‘who’?”  he inquired, and Castiel had to look away to keep his brother from seeing him blush. Gabe wasn’t falling for it, though. “It is a ‘who’! So, who is this ‘who’, then?” Would he ever let up? Castiel figured the only way that would happen is if he just admitted it. 

“Fine, Gabe. I was with someone. Happy?” Castiel stood up and made his way into the kitchen to find something to snack on, Gabriel following close behind.

Gabe’s face lit up with a huge smile. “Really Cassie? Finally! I thought you would be alone forever!” Castiel just rolled his eyes as he opened one of the cabinets and rummaged around a bit. He eventually settled on just grabbing a bag of pretzels. He sat himself down on one of the stools at the island counter, Gabe sitting himself down on the one next to him. “What’s her name?” he asked, and Castiel’s face went hot. He immediately looked down, trying to seem extremely focused on trying to pick out the perfect pretzel. “It’s a she, right?”

“Gabe-”

“It’s a  _ guy _ ?”

“Shhh!” Castiel put up a hand to cover up his brother’s loud mouth. “Okay, fine- It’s a he. Could you be a little quieter about it, though?”

It irritated Castiel how satisfied Gabriel’s smile was. “Damn Castiel. I never took you for the type. So you’re, what, gay? Or do you like a little bit of both? Who is he?” he pestered, barely taking a breath.

Castiel sighed. He didn’t know if his brother was going to judge him, but it was too late now. The judgement would either come, or it wouldn’t. He considered it very lucky that Gabe didn’t know the origin story of “Fagstiel”; he only knew that it was a dumb nickname that Crowley gave him. There was no point in holding anything back anymore. “A little bit of both, but lately it seems like I lean more towards boys. I don’t know, really. And...well, it’s Dean Winchester.” Okay. He got it off of his chest to somebody, and he suddenly felt much better. But now, it was time to wait for the initial reaction. 

When he looked at Gabriel, he was just smiling. It wasn’t a mischievous smile, like the one that usually adorned his face, but one of pride. And, suddenly, he was being pulled into a suffocatingly tight hug against his brother’s chest. “My goody-two-shoes baby brother is actually rebelling against our parentals! And with Dean Winchester of all people? I didn’t even know he liked anything that didn’t contain a vagina.”

Confused and losing his ability to breath, Castiel pried himself out of his brother’s arms. “You’re not disgusted?” 

“Why the hell would I be? It’s not like you’re any different. Besides, I would be lying if I said I haven’t explored my options a little,” Gabe said, and Castiel’s eyes widened. 

“Really?”

“Yes really, little bro.” His expression shifted to concerned now. “You do know that mom and dad won’t be very happy to hear about this, right?”

Oh, Castiel knew. He knew that if they ever found out, they would be absolutely revolted by him. They would never look at him the same, speak to him the same- it wouldn’t surprise him if they went as far as kicking him out of the house. But, if they never found out, that wouldn’t have to be a problem. “Which is why,” he began, taking another pretzel and popping it into his mouth, “they’re not going to hear about this.”

Gabe narrowed his eyes. “That’s not very realistic. I mean, I won’t say anything, but they’re bound to find out sometime.”

Gabriel was right. Castiel knew that. It might take days, weeks, months, or years, depending on how long they lasted, but eventually, the truth would have to come out. He just hoped that it was at a point in his life where they couldn’t control his every action anymore. Castiel sighed, pushing the bag of pretzels away from himself. He wasn’t really hungry anymore after talking about his parents. “I know, Gabe. I just...I want it to be a secret for as long as possible, okay? I would rather not be on the streets before I graduate.”

“That wouldn’t happen, Castiel. Not as long as I’m around.”

It wasn’t often that Gabriel acted as affectionate as he was acting, but it was one of the many things is did on occasion that made him slightly less annoying. Castiel smiled at him. “Thanks, Gabriel. That means a lot.” He leaned in to give his brother a real hug, which he returned right away. 

After a few seconds, though, Gabriel sighed and leaned away. “This conversation has taken a turn into territories that are way too sappy for my comfort. I’m gonna hit the hay, g’night little bro.”

“Goodnight,” Castiel called after him as he headed up the stairs. 

Putting the pretzels away, Castiel thanked his lucky stars that he had been given an older brother like Gabriel. 

 

When Dean picked up Castiel for school the next day, he had the heavy feeling of nervousness settling in his gut. He was going to tell Charlie today. He had to. He climbed into the Impala to see his boyfriend’s smile bright and his green eyes shining. He would never stop being jealous of those eyes, as he truly believed they were so much prettier than his own blue ones, but he did consider himself lucky that he was able to get lost in them everyday. He leaned across the bench to give Dean a light kiss on the cheek. “Goodmorning.”

“Mornin’ Cas,” Dean replied. They made their way to the school in a comfortable silence, only the sounds of what Castiel had come to know well as Led Zeppelin to fill the air. Castiel’s thoughts were racing. What if Charlie was angry with him? He knew that she would be a little irritated, but he also knew what she was like when she was genuinely mad, and that was not something he wanted to be on the receiving end of. He just really hoped that she didn’t decide that he couldn’t be trusted anymore. She was his only real friends, and Castiel didn’t think he could handle losing her. As if able to sense Castiel’s thoughts, Dean reached over and grabbed one of Castiel’s hands with one of his own. Castiel couldn’t deny that he felt almost instantly better with the contact. 

They arrived at the school only a few minutes later. They each grabbed their belongings - Castiel had a backpack while Dean normally carried around just a pencil, a folder, and a spiral notebook - and got out of the car. The first thing that Castiel saw made a chill run down his spine. Crowley was just across the parking lot, leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette, and staring directly at Castiel. He stood frozen his tracks, not sure if he should just look away and continue on with his day, or stand his ground and stare back. Dean, the blessing that he was, came over and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” he said softly, “just ignore him, okay? Staring back only gives him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s scaring you.”

Castiel finally found the will to look away at the soothing sound of Dean’s voice, choosing instead to look at him. Dean’s face was so concerned and soft and just plain beautiful that he couldn’t find it in him to say anything back, so he just nodded. Dean looked over to where Crowley stood, and gave him the deadliest glare he could muster. That was another thing that Castiel never wanted to be on the receiving end of. Crowley, on the other hand, was not so lucky. He tried to glare back for a moment, but gave up and simply rolled his eyes, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stomping on it with the toe of his boots before turning to head into the school. “C’mon,” Dean said, placing a hand on Castiel’s lower back and beginning to guide him. “We don’t wanna be late.” Castiel just nodded again, letting Dean lead him inside. He was glad that it was a Friday, so he wouldn’t have to deal with Crowley for another two days. 

Once inside, they departed to go to their lockers. Castiel walked to his slowly, his grip tightening on the straps of his backpack when he spotted the familiar sight of red hair.  _ Okay _ , he thought,  _ It’s just Charlie. She’s your bestfriend. You can tell her. _ Charlie gave him a bright smile when she saw him approaching, and he was a little surprised to see that she wasn’t accompanied by Dorothy; the two of them had been attached at the hip ever since they started officially dating. “Hi Charlie,” he greeted her, hoping that he sounded casual. “Where’s Dorothy?” He opened up his locker and started to shove the books from his bag inside. 

“Doctor’s appointment. She should be back by the end of third hour.” Castiel nodded, and grabbed his home ec binder. “Hey, since you have avoided my offers for a  _ Star Trek _ marathon for the past few weeks, I am demanding that we do that tonight.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been ditching you, Charlie. And yeah, that sounds great.”

“Thank God. Now I don’t have to go through the struggle to kidnapping you.”

Castiel laughed, shutting his locker door now that he had all of his things. “Hey, Charlie?” he began cautiously as they began walking down the hall. She looked at him expectantly. “I, uh, I have something to tell you.”

“Well, out with it then.”

He took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “I’m dating Dean Winchester,” he said in a rush, and Charlie stopped dead in her tracks. 

“Wait,  _ what _ ?” she said, sounding a little confused.

“I said, I’m dating-”

“No, I know what you said, but just- what? What the hell? When did this happen?”

“Uh...about a month ago.”

“And you waited until  _ now _ to tell me? What the hell, Castiel?”

He instantly felt guilty again. “I know, I’m sorry, I should have told you earlier. I was just so afraid of telling anyone.” They had begun walking again, Charlie huffing in anger with her arms crossed over her chest. 

“But I’m your best friend! This isn’t the type of thing we keep from each other. I didn’t hesitate for a second to tell you about Dorothy, did I?” she inquired, and Castiel just looked down to watch his feet carry him through the hallway. “Exactly.” When they reached the home ec room and Castiel was about to walk inside, Charlie grabbed his arm to stop him. He tried to avoid looking at her directly in the eyes to keep himself from feeling even more guilty. He knew that keeping it from her was a terrible idea. “Hey, Castiel, I’m sorry for freaking out on you. It’s just that it kinda hurts when your best friend keeps such a big and important secret from you.”

He looked up at her now. Thankfully, she seemed to have softened up a bit. “I know, Charlie. I’m sorry for keeping it from you for so long, and keeping it from you in the first place.”

“I will forgive you, on one condition,” she said, placing her hands on her hips. Castiel raised his eyebrows, awaiting her request. “First, you have to give me every last juicy detail on how this happened, and what has been going on.” He nodded. Seemed reasonable enough. “Second, not only will tonight be a  _ Star Trek _ marathon night, it will also be a double date night.” Castiel’s eyes widened a bit at this one. A double date? Really? “And,” she continued, placing a hand up before he could interject anything, “it will be complete with dinner, and Dorothy and I get to choose the restaurant.”

Castiel chuckled at his friend. “Okay, Charlie. Whatever the queen wants, the queen gets.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she said, pointing a finger in his face. The one minute bell rang, warning students that they needed to get to their classes. Charlie reached around Castiel’s neck to pull him down for a tight hug. “You are forgiven, Castiel. I gotta head to class now. Love ya!” she ended with a quick peck on his nose before walking away. Castiel ignored the stares they both received from their peers as he watched her saunter confidently down the hallway, shaking his head and laughing a little to himself. 

When he walked into his classroom, he took Dean’s advice from earlier and ignored Crowley as he stared straight into his soul and went straight to the back where Dean was already sat, scribbling something in his notebook. Dean smiled at him when he sat down, and Castiel had to fight the urge to just lean across and kiss him in front of the entire class. “So,” he began as he set his stuff down on his desk, and made sure to keep his voice low. “I may or may not have just agreed to a double date tonight with Charlie and Dorothy.”

Dean nodded, mulling the idea over. “That sounds like fun.”

“Really?” Castiel said disbelievingly. He never would have taken Dean for the double date type. 

“Of course! I really wanna get to know Charlie.” He lowered his voice as Ms. Milton walked in the classroom to begin attendance. “So obviously you told her. How’d that go?”

Castiel sighed as he settled himself in his seat. “It went okay. She was mad that I didn’t tell her, of course, but this double date is my ‘punishment’,” he explained. “We’re going to a restaurant of their choosing and then afterwards, we’re going back to Charlie’s place to have a  _ Star Trek _ marathon.”

Dean’s face lit up with a smile. “I love _Star Trek_!”

Castiel laughed. Charlie and Dean were going to get along perfectly. 

 

The rest of the day passed slowly and painfully as it always did. Dean drove Castiel home with Sam in the back seat teasing them about their relationship the entire time, and fake gagging when they kissed goodbye, Castiel telling Dean he’d call him when he had the details of their double date. Knowing Charlie, she probably had the plans ready in her mind as soon as Castiel agreed to go. When he entered his house, he was surprised to see his father standing in the kitchen. “Uh, hey dad,” he greeted, setting his backpack down on the counter. 

His father was standing in nothing but an old, white wife beater, a pair of blue boxers, and his blue bathrobe, as always, pouring himself another mug of coffee. His hair was unruly and his beard was beginning to grow out a little too long. It was a good thing that his mother was still away on business; she never would have stood for him looking like this. He always let himself go when he was in the process of writing a novel, however. He spent all of his time in his office, barely sparing any for food or sleep, let alone a decent shower. Castiel hated seeing his father in this state, but it was how he functioned. 

“Oh, hello Castiel. I was just getting more coffee. I’ll be out of your way,” he said, brushing past his son and making his way back upstairs to his office. 

“Dad wait-” Castiel called after him, but he either wasn’t paying attention or was just flat-out ignoring Castiel. He figured it was the latter. It was a pretty normal routine for the Shurley home; avoiding each other as much as possible to avoid the inevitable arguments that would start. But this time, Castiel just wanted to have a genuine conversation with his father for the first time in months. Sighing, he grabbed his bag off of the counter and headed up to his room. He spent the next half hour on the phone with Charlie so he would know the game plan for that night. At six, the would go to Genovese (both Charlie and Dorothy’s favorite Italian restaurant in Lawrence), and after that, they would head to Charlie’s house to watch  _ Star Trek _ . After Dorothy and Dean went home, Castiel would be spending the night to make up for lost “friendship bonding time”, to which Castiel immediately and guiltily agreed to. 

After ending the call with Charlie, he immediately punched in Dean’s number to update him. It rang about five times before the familiar click of someone picking up the phone sounded. “Hello?” a deep, gruff voice answered, and Castiel froze. It wasn’t Dean, and it definitely wasn’t Sam. The only other person it could be was John Winchester. He mentally slapped himself for not considering that it might not be Dean who would answer the phone. 

“Uh, hello Mr. Winchester,” he began nervously. Holy shit, he had not prepared himself for this. “This is Castiel Shurley.”

“I’m sorry, do I know you or something?”

“No, you don’t, uh, I’m friend of Dean’s-” Suddenly there was rustling and muffled voices coming from the other end of the line. Castiel drew his eyebrows together in concern. The voices got a little bit louder, until one of them started to fade away again. He could hear a few muttered curses and then a door opening and slamming shut. 

“Hey Cas, sorry about that.” Castiel let out a breath of relief. It was Dean talking this time. “I had to get the phone away from my dad.”

“I didn’t get you in trouble, did I?” 

“No. I told him you were a friend from school and we’re partners for a science project,” Dean explained, and Castiel laughed, partly because of relief that Dean wasn’t in trouble, and partly because that was the lamest excuse he had ever heard.

“I science project? Really? You couldn’t think of anything more elaborate?” he teased.

“Hey! I was kind of in a rush,” he tried to explain, and Castiel just laughed again.

After a few minutes of just talking about nothing, he got around to explaining the plans for that night to Dean. What made him excited for the date was that Dean was excited for it. He had never been to Genovese in his time living in Lawrence, and he was really looking forward to getting to know Charlie and Dorothy, as well as watch  _ Star Trek _ , which he was apparently as much of a geek about as Charlie was. Overall, the night was going to be pretty great. 

When six o’clock rolled around, Castiel was pacing the front hall nervously, waiting for the familiar sound of the Impala’s engine. He was wearing a white button up under a light blue sweater vest and his nicest pair of khakis. Compared to his normal everyday attire, it wasn’t much different, but it was somewhat nicer. He had managed to fix his hair so it wasn’t as mussed up as it normally was, but even with the gel that he stole from Gabriel, it seemed impossible to get it to do anything that he wanted it to. At least he could empathize with Charlie and Dorothy, now. 

Castiel was so focused on thinking the entire night through that he didn’t hear the Impala pulling up outside. He was only startled out of his thoughts when he heard a knock on the door. That was odd, Dean never came to the door. It was always was too risky. Castiel slowly opened the front door to see Dean standing there- and holy shit, he was beautiful. He had on a black button up with dark jeans, and instead of his normal worker boots, he wore black converse (not exactly fancy, but Dean pulled it off extremely well), and in Dean’s hands was a bouquet of red roses. Castiel’s jaw dropped. “What are you-?” he began, but Dean cut him off, holding the roses out to him. 

“As it’s our first official date, I decided to treat it like one. That included flowers and greeting you at your door. I hope this isn’t too much?” 

Castiel grabbed the roses and laughed. It was oddly adorable to see Dean all flustered and nervous, especially when he normally had the “I’m a tough and insensitive guy” thing going on. He leaned forward to pull Dean into a short kiss. “It’s perfect, Dean,” he assured his boyfriend, and turned around to shut and lock the door. As they approached the Impala, Dean even went as far as to open the passenger side door for Castiel. “Why thank you, good sir,” Castiel joked as he sat down. Dean blushed, trying to cover it with an eyeroll and making his way back to the driver’s side. 

As soon as they were buckled in and ready to go, Dean turned on the radio. Of course, ‘Dust in the Wind’ was playing. “How appropriate,” Dean commented, and Castiel nodded, smiling to himself as he began to sing along. Over the past few weeks, ‘Dust in the Wind’ became their song. They always listened to it at least once when they were together, and Castiel had it memorized by heart. It was a reminder to them of how they officially became, well, Dean and Castiel. They arrived at the restaurant about fifteen minutes later, and Castiel hoped that Charlie and Dorothy were already there. He didn’t want to give Charlie the satisfaction of him being early on the double date that he was pretending to be dreading, so relief filled him when he saw her old yellow Beetle on the other side of the parking lot. Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand as they walked up to the entrance. “You look amazing,” he said, leaning down close to Castiel’s ear. 

Castiel’s heart soared. He would never get used to Dean complimenting him. “So do you,” he replied, being completely genuine. Dean never failed to look amazing, no matter what the occasion. They entered the restaurant, and after a few moment of looking around, were able to find Charlie and Dorothy seated along the back wall, two empty chairs across from them. They were each looking over the menus as Dean and Castiel sat down. “Hey!” Charlie greeted eagerly as she noticed the two, and Dorothy gave a shy wave. 

“Hi Charlie,” Castiel said with a smile that he hoped she could read as an ‘I hope you’re satisfied’ type of smile. She gave him a wink, which let him know that she could, in fact, read his smile. 

“So, Dean,” she began, turning to the other boy. “I hear you’re a big fan of  _ Star Trek _ ?”

As Dean and Charlie completely nerded out over their mutual interests throughout the course of the dinner, Castiel talked with Dorothy. He had never had a genuine conversation with the girl before, but he learned that he liked her a lot more than he expected himself too. It wasn’t that he had anything against her in the first place, it was just that her quiet and timid personality compared to Charlie’s was a little off putting. But, talking to her, he learned that she was a lot more strong and outspoken that she seemed. He admired that. 

The food was delicious and by the end, they were all absolutely full, groaning at Charlie’s suggestion to get some ice cream before they went back to her house. When the bill came, Castiel went to grab for it, but he was stopped by Dean’s hand grabbing his. “My treat,” Dean said.

“But-”

“No buts. It’s our first date, remember? I’m trying to go the whole nine yards here.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at him. 

“Would it make you feel better if I said you can get the next one?” Dean asked, and Castiel smiled and nodded. Once everything was paid for, the four of them headed out to their respective cars to go to Charlie’s. Dean followed behind Charlie’s car, after laughing about how ridiculously ugly and bright the vehicle was. 

They got to Charlie’s and settled on the couch in the living room as Charlie set up the TV for the marathon. Castiel wasn’t sure how she was able to get all of the episodes, but whenever he asked, she just winked and told him that she had her ways. Her ‘ways’ must have had something to do with her supreme intelligence when it came to technology. They started off on the last episode that Castiel and Charlie watched, which didn’t bother Dean as he had already seen all of them, and Dorothy didn’t care as she wasn’t as much of a  _ Star Trek  _ person as her girlfriend. 

As they watched, Castiel cuddled into Dean’s side, who in turn put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders, and leaned down to press a kiss in his hair. Castiel’s stomach erupted with butterflies for the billionth time in the past month. 

For the first time, everything in his life was good. He had Dean, and he had his best friend, and he didn’t have to hide his relationship from anyone he truly cared about anymore. It was all out in the open, and it was all okay. 

Castiel didn’t think that he had ever felt more content in his life.  


	9. Awkward Introductions & First Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dudes. I tried so hard to get this chapter out earlier, I promise. I even resorted to writing on my phone during class. I am so sorry!! This semester so far has been even crazier than the last, but, the good news is, I only have 29 days left of school before I am officially out of high school. It's crazy as hell. Hopefully everything will wind down a little bit so I can write more often and get the next chapter our sooner. Thanks for being so patient with me!! You guys and all of your lovely and positive responses only motivates me more :) (This chapter was hardly edited in order to get it out sooner; sorry for any mistakes! Feel free to point out any major ones to me.)
> 
> P.S., get ready for some smut, even though its slightly awfully written ;)

_ 2015 _

Slowly, but surely, the clock in Castiel and Meg’s bedroom ticked towards six o’clock. In just over a half an hour, Dean would be inside of his apartment.  His ex-boyfriend from high school who he hadn’t seen or heard from in fifteen years was going to be in his apartment, eating dinner with him and his fiance. His  _ female  _ fiance, who, up until the night before, seethed at every mention of Dean. Castiel still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Meg had wanted to invite Dean over. Now, Meg was in the kitchen making homemade lasagna (Castiel had assured her that Dean did, in fact, love lasagna- at least, from what he remembered), and Castiel...well, he wasn’t being nearly as productive. 

His current preoccupation was standing in front of the full-length mirror that hung on the inside of the closet door, staring at his reflection. He hadn’t really known how to dress for the occasion, so he stuck with his normal button down and khakis combo. How he had never changed his style since high school, he didn’t know. He did know, however, that this whole situation was causing him much more stress than it really should. And for a brief moment, Castiel honestly thought of texting Dean and coming up with some excuse to cancel. Dean would understand, right? And that was just the thing- Dean was an understanding person, he always had been. It was one of Castiel’s favorite qualities of his. The only thing he hadn’t really been understanding about was Castiel’s desire to quit keeping their relationship a secret, which ended up tearing them apart in the end.

“No,” Castiel whispered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut. “You can’t think about that again. Especially not tonight.” Tonight was supposed to be the night where Castiel figured out whether or not he could handle marrying Meg while possibly having Dean become a big part of his life again. If he lingered on memories of high school, it was guaranteed that he wouldn’t be able to do it. He just had to forget- a skill he had spent the years after graduation learning to master. Thankfully, Meg ripped Castiel from his thoughts by calling his name from the kitchen. Giving himself one last look-over, he headed out of the bedroom and down the hall. 

He smiled when he saw Meg pulling the finished lasagna out of the oven, the familiar smell giving him a more comforted feeling. He walked around the the other side of the counter to stand next to his fiance, putting an arm around her shoulder and kissing the side of her head. “That smells delicious,” he commented, and she smiled down at her masterpiece. 

“Did you expect anything less?” she joked.

“No, I suppose not.” Castiel glanced around the kitchen for a moment, his eyes landing on the dining table on the other end. “I’ll set the table while you finish up the meal.” 

It was odd getting out sets of three of everything instead of just the usual two; it was extremely rare for them to have a guest over for dinner, aside from when their parents visited, which only happened maybe once or twice a year. Meg’s parents lived out in Florida, and Chuck and Naomi moved to New York in the middle of Castiel’s sophomore year of college. The first, and last, time Charlie had ever come over was six months prior. Meg, it seemed, didn’t really take a liking to Castiel’s best friend, and Castiel, being the good best friend and fiance that he was decided it was better that he and Charlie stuck to any other dinners at either a restaurant or her apartment, which was in Kansas City. So, setting out a third plate always had a weird feeling. This time, however, it was weird for multiple reasons other than the fact that Meg didn’t allow for much of a social life outside of each other. 

By the time everything was ready and set out, it was almost six twenty five. Castiel could feel the nerves settling in even deeper, and every single noise he heard outside of the apartment made him tempted to jump up and sprint towards the door. If he was this nervous, he could only imagine how Meg was feeling. So, he decided that he should probably be a good fiancee and figure that out. 

“How are you doing with all of this, Meg?” Castiel asked as he put away the ingredients from the lasagna that Meg had left out on the counter. She shrugged as she sat herself down on one of the stools at the counter, pushing a lock of her dark brown hair behind her ear. It was hard to believe that at one point during college, she had bleached her hair. 

“I’m okay. I just wanna make you happy, Castiel. And if that involves having dinner with your ex, than I guess that’s just what I have to do,” she said, and Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little more guilty. There he was, questioning whether or not he was still in love with Dean when he had a beautiful fiancee right there who cared so much about him. How could he put her through all of this? He knew it couldn’t be easy. Hell, it wasn’t easy for him. There was a few moments of silence before Meg spoke again. “I know I said that I trust you, and I do, I’m just worried.”

“Meg-” Castiel began, but she held up a hand to stop him from going any further. 

“I have a right to be worried. I know what it’s like to see an ex after a long time, especially one you ended on bad terms with. The lack of closure can easily bring back memories and even feelings.” Castiel looked down at his feet, feeling slightly ashamed now. Meg was right. There was no closure after he and Dean ended- none whatsoever. That was probably the reason all of these feelings were coming back. At least, that’s what Castiel was trying to tell himself, because what if that  _ wasn’t _ the reason? What if he was meant to be with Dean, not with Meg? But it was too late. He was getting married soon. It wasn’t his fault that Dean had to show up out of nowhere and throw everything off balance, once again. 

A knock pulled Castiel out of his thoughts. He and Meg both turned the direction of the front door, before glancing at each other. When Meg gave him a small, reassuring smile, Castiel took a deep breath, and towards the front door. When he opened it, he was greeted with a grinning Dean. And damn, did he look good. Instead of his usual flannel and undershirt, he wore a dark red button up over a black t-shirt, and a pair of form-fitting, dark jeans. It wasn’t that far off from his everyday look, but one thing was drastically different: he was carrying a bouquet of flowers. The bouquet seemed to be a colorful mixture of tulips, carnations, and baby’s breath, bound together with clear plastic. While they were beautiful, Castiel had a little moment of internal panic. Were those flowers for  _ him _ ? “Um, Hello Dean,” Castiel greeted, trying to keep his voice from giving away his nerves. 

“Hey, Cas.”

Castiel’s heart skipped a beat at the little smirk Dean gave with his name. 

“Come on in,” he said, stepping aside to allow Dean to enter. Dean brushed past him, and Castiel was shutting the door when Meg made her appearance. Castiel swallowed. “Meg, this is Dean Winchester, Dean, this is my fiance, Meg,” he introduced.

Meg smiled politely, and much to his surprise, Dean held the bouquet out to her. “These are for you, Meg.” Her eyes widened, and her smile became more genuine as she accepted the flowers. 

“Thank you Dean, these are beautiful!” she mused, admiring the bouquet in her hands. “Let me just go put these in some water really quick.”

She made her way back into the kitchen, and the two men looked at each other, smiling shyly. It was crazy how it was so easy to revert back to the way one acted in high school; specifically, how Dean and Castiel acted around each other before they officially started dating. But they weren’t teenagers anymore, so that didn’t give Castiel an excuse to be bashful around the other man, no matter what his feelings were.  _ Remember _ , he thought,  _ tonight is about proving you don’t feel anything for Dean anymore _ . He seemed to be failing already, though. Finally, he decided he should probably speak. “How are you?” he asked, feeling like he was attempting to make small talk on a first date again.

“I’m doin’ good. I was really nervous about tonight, though,” Dean admitted, causing Castiel to furrow his eyebrows in confusion. Dean was nervous? That was a rare occurrence. “Is it pathetic that I bought Meg flowers in case she didn’t like me?” He asked, and Castiel couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at that. 

“I’m nervous too. And no, I think it’s really sweet actually.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

More silence overcame them, but just in time, Meg announced that they could come and eat. When they entered the kitchen, Dean smiled at the dish sitting on the table. “That looks amazing, Meg. I love lasagna,” Dean stated as he sat down. Castiel took the chair on the end of the table next to Dean, and Meg sat down opposite Dean. 

“How do you know that I didn’t make it?” Castiel joked, and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“You were always an awful cook, Cas.”

Castiel tensed up at the mention to their past relationship and the use of his nickname in front of Meg. Dean, who didn’t seem to have noticed before, noticed now and cleared his throat awkwardly. Meg narrowed her eyes and glanced between the two of them. Castiel had never told her that Dean had given him a special nickname in high school. Forcing a tight smile, she picked up the spatula and began to cut into the lasagna. “We should probably get eating before this gets cold,” she said, and the two men nodded in agreement, eager to have anything to distract them from what just happened. Meg served all three of them a piece of the main dish, and offered each of them salad. Dean of course said no thank you, and Castiel had memories come back to him of Dean complaining about how lettuce is for rabbits and Sammy, who had gone on a health kick due to wanting to join the school soccer team. 

After a few minutes of eating in silence, Meg cleared her throat. “So, Dean,” she began, dabbing her mouth with a corner of her napkin. “Where did you go to college?” Castiel tried to pretend that he didn’t see the little smirk that formed on her face- like she was waiting for him to say something that would lower her opinion of him even more.

Thankfully, Dean didn’t seem to notice “Me and my little brother, Sammy, moved from Lawrence to Sioux Falls, South Dakota to live with our Uncle Bobby. He owns a car shop up there, so I just went to community college while I worked there. Eventually he decided he wanted to move back down here to be near his friend Ellen and help her run her restaurant, so he left the shop to me.”

Castiel couldn’t help but listen in awe at Dean’s story. He knew Meg wouldn’t be impressed, but he was. Dean had defied society's expectations that you needed to go to college for four years and earn a degree in order to do anything productive with your life, and he made his own life. Dean knew what he wanted, he worked hard, and he got it. Castiel wished he had the courage to pursue his life with that same kind of bravery and confidence. 

Meg’s only reaction was to raise her eyebrows in disbelief. “Just community college. Wow.” Dean nodded, taking another bite of his lasagna. Castiel himself had lost all of his appetite, and casually poked at his own food with his fork. Meg’s ability to make any guest feel like they were being interrogated made him feel embarrassed and nauseas sometimes, and he could practically feel the judgement wafting off her. “Only two years of, no offense, but fairly  _ low grade  _ schooling, and your uncle just handed you his business?”

“Meg-” Castiel tried to cut in, but Dean shook his head at him. 

“It’s fine Cas.” 

Dean cleared his throat now, and set down his fork. “I wouldn’t call it ‘low grade’ schooling. I learned a lot in those two years. Besides- everything I needed to know to run an auto shop, I had already learned in high school,” Dean defended. 

Meg had the audacity to roll her eyes. “How prestigious of you-”

“ _ Meg _ ,” Castiel said with force this time, letting her know that she needed to just stop talking. She always did this- she always drove people away by being condescending and rude, and he was getting sick of it. Plus, something about her acting like that towards Dean lit a fire inside of him. “Dean’s worked hard to get where he’s gotten. He didn’t slack off in life, and he certainly didn’t get where he wanted to go because he was able to pay for it. He actually worked, unlike some people.” 

His heart was racing now.  _ Holy shit, _ he thought to himself,  _ I just stood up to Meg _ . That was truly a first in his life. And his words seemed to have struck a chord with her, as her eyes widened, and she began to sputter in disbelief. “That was real nice of you,  _ Cas _ .” With that, she stood up and stormed off to their room. 

Castiel only looked after her for a second before turning his attention to Dean, who was staring down at his hands and looking clearly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry-”

“Thank you,” Dean cut him off. “Thanks for sticking up for me. You really didn’t have to, though.” Castiel nodded, feeling slightly detached from himself. That was such an un-Castiel thing to do. It went against everything he had learned while being with Meg: you don’t speak your mind if it goes against what she thinks, and you definitely don’t take other people’s sides. 

“I’ve never done anything like that before,” he said honestly, and Dean looked at him in confusion. 

“Really?”

Castiel nodded. “Yeah. I mean, that sort of thing. She does that all the time. I’ve just...never had the nerve to say anything against it, you know? And then she started doing it to  _ you _ , and I just…” he trailed off, not really knowing how to put it in words. He knew what it was, though. He couldn’t stand seeing Meg putting Dean down like that; not when he cared so much about Dean. 

“I get it, Cas,” Dean reassured, resting a hand on top of Castiel’s thigh. Electricity shot through his body, and he looked up to meet Dean’s eyes, which were staring back intently. He swallowed down the lump that began to form in his throat, and tried to ignore the way his heart started to beat just a tad bit faster with the heat of Dean’s hand on his thigh. “I should probably get going,” Dean said quietly, and all Castiel could do was nod in agreement. He pushed down the small feeling of disappointment. The night had been ruined- there was no way to mend it now. 

He walked Dean to the door, silently handing him his coat. Dean took it with a smile, and shrugged it on. He was about to walk out of the door when he stopped, and hesitantly turned back around. “I know tonight was a colossal failure, but...can I see you again? We can go out to eat again soon. Anywhere you want. I just don’t want this to ruin everything.”

Castiel smiled at how flustered the other man seemed. It had been so long since he had seen that look of worry, and his heart lifted a little bit. “Of course, Dean.”

Dean let out a relieved sigh. “All right. Okay, that's good. I’ll call you?”

“Yes.”

And Dean smiled, that beautiful genuine smile that Castiel had missed so much in the last 15 years, and suddenly Castiel was pulled back in.

It didn't matter that he was getting married soon; it didn't matter that his fiancé was currently angry with both him and Dean. It didn't matter that Dean had hurt him so badly, all those years ago.

Castiel was still in love.

 

_ 1999 _

The autumn weather was changing rapidly; cool, sweater weather turning into bitter cold that called for winter jackets. Along with the changing weather came the end of October, which meant Halloween was approaching. Of course, it was Bela Talbot’s soul duty to host the biggest Halloween party in all of Lawrence. It was all people in school could talk about the week beforehand; constantly going on and on about who they were going with, what they were dressing up as, and even who they thought would end up hooking up at the party. Despite everyone's notice of he and Dean being so close, Castiel was relieved when no one mentioned them. 

They were, in fact, attending the party together, along with Charlie and Dorothy. The girls decided to stick with the theme of Dorothy’s name, and went with costumes from The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy was, of course, being Dorothy, and Charlie was being a the Wicked Witch. Dean and Castiel, on the other hand, didn't want to risk having a couples costume, so they decided to dress separately and surprise each other. 

Castiel knew that Dean already had his costume picked out, but he himself had absolutely no idea what the hell he was going to wear, and the party was  _ tomorrow _ . Charlie, the ever faithful friend, was trying to help him decide. They were currently walking the costume aisles of Spirit Halloween, a store that only opened in October every year specifically for Halloween. Castiel had a few costumes in his hands and ready to try on, and Charlie was still browsing through the racks.

He suppressed an eye roll when she pulled out a male sexy police officer outfit. “Absolutely not,” he told her.

“Why not?” Charlie asked, pouting her lips. “You’ll look hot! Plus, I'm sure these plastic handcuffs could come in handy for you and Dean,” she added with a wink.

“Charlie!”

“I'm just saying!”

He sighed, grabbing the costume from her and hanging it back up. “Why does this have to be so difficult?” he asked, genuinely curious. He had never been a fan of costume shopping, or even shopping in general. He considered himself to be extremely picky and kind of cheap. It usually took him at least an hour in a store to pick out a shirt to buy, so buying an entire costume, especially one that the whole school and, more importantly,  _ Dean _ was going to see him in, was essentially tedious and just plain exhausting. Castiel felt bad as he could tell Charlie was getting slightly irritated with his indecisiveness, but he couldn't make up his mind. The ones he currently had in hand included a gladiator costume, which was obviously Charlie’s pick, a fireman costume, and a Commander Spock costume, you know, just to impress Dean. 

Charlie observed all the options he had with her head tilted in thought. “You know what?” she said, grabbing his wrist and leading in the direction of the changing rooms. “Just try on what you have now, and we can go from there.”

Inwardly groaning, he found an empty changing room and hung up the costumes on one of the hooks. Trying on clothes was also something he hated. The first costume he tried on was the fireman costume. There were multiple layers and it overall made him feel hot and stuffy. Wanting a second opinion, Castiel stepped out of the stall he was in. Charlie just laughed at him. 

“Okay, it's cute, but definitely not at all  _ you _ .” 

With a roll of his eyes, Castiel went back in the stall to change into his next option: the gladiator costume. Not even bothering to look at himself in the mirror beforehand, he opened the door, and Charlie burst out laughing again. Only this time, a lot harder. “ _ Definitely  _ not you,” she commented, and shooed him back in with her hand. Castiel glared at her for a moment before obeying. 

After the initial reaction of the first two, Castiel wasn't holding out much hope for the Spock costume. Putting on the black pants and the blue shirt, however, he did feel more comfortable than he had in the others. Taking a deep breath, he exited the stall. This time when Charlie looked at him, she didn't go into hysterics; her jaw dropped at first, before her mouth formed into a wide, toothy smile. “Now that,” she began with a point of her finger, “is the one.” 

Castiel laughed. “It's a Halloween costume- not a wedding dress.”

“I don't care! This is still a big moment.” She stood up and grabbed his shoulders, spinning him around so he could look at himself in the full-length mirror leaning against one of the walls of the store. “Just look at you! Dean is gonna go crazy when he sees you in this.” Castiel couldn't lie to himself; he did look pretty damn good as Spock. The pants and the shirt both fit him perfectly, just tight in all of the right places. All he was missing was the pointy ears, which he was pretty sure he saw some of by the register, and the angled eyebrows, which Charlie could do for him with some makeup. It was going to be perfect and, like Charlie said, Castiel was pretty sure that Dean was going to go crazy. 

They went back to the front of the store to make their final purchase and, suddenly, Castiel was more excited for the party then he had been all week. 

  
  


The next day rolled around, and he, Charlie, and Dorothy were all in Charlie’s bedroom and in a rush to get ready for the party. They were at Charlie’s house this time as Castiel didn't want to face the ridicule of Gabriel for having a nerdy costume, as well as his father for dressing up for Halloween at all. Dean was going to be there any minute to pick them up.

Charlie was just doing the finishing touches on Castiel’s eyebrows as they heard a knock on the door. “I got it,” Dorothy said, standing up from her spot on her girlfriend’s bed and making her way downstairs to let Dean in. 

“Are you excited?” Charlie asked as she leaned back to survey her work, and nodding when she decided it was perfect. 

“I guess so. I mean, it's just a party.”

“An even bigger party than the one at the beginning of the year. Plus, won't it be kinda special for you and Dean? A party at Bela’s is where you first met.” Castiel had eventually told Charlie the whole story of how he and Dean officially met. She was annoyed with him first for keeping it from her for so long, but she eventually got over it. Now, she wouldn't leave him alone about that fact that they were going to be at a party together  _ again _ , and was convinced that since a party was the first time they really met they kissed, they were bound to go further tonight. Castiel tried to get her to stop saying that by telling her that they had already gone further, but the truth was...they’d never gone any further than making out, and the occasional dry humping when Castiel would straddle Dean’s lap while they were kissing. Other than that...nothing much had ensued. 

Tonight, however, he thought that Charlie may be right. He was determined to take it further with Dean. The thought made him slightly terrified, but that was what the alcohol was for, right? “It's not that special, really,” Castiel commented, standing up from the chair he was sat in. He looked at himself in Charlie's vanity mirror, and holy crap, did he look like a Vulcan. His eyebrows were perfectly angled, and his fake ears actually didn't look that fake. They had even gone as far as trying to smooth down the front of his hair to make it look like Spock's bangs. All in all, he loved it, and he knew that Dean would love it as well. “It's perfect, Charlie,” he told her honestly.

The redhead squealed and threw an arm around his shoulder, observing Castiel’s reflection with him. “I know it is, commander.” She took a step back, and adjusted her Wicked Witch costume, complete with green face makeup, which was sure to be all over Dorothy’s face at the end of the night. “Now let us go downstairs so you can greet your lover.” Castiel rolled his eyes as her as she grabbed his hand and led him out of her room and down the stairs. 

When he saw Dean, standing by the front door and talking with Dorothy, his stomach did a flip, as it always did when he saw him. Tonight, however, he looked especially good. His hair was carefully gelled, and the yellow shirt he was wearing really- wait. Castiel stopped in his tracks, his jaw dropping. “No way,” he said, and the other three turned to look at him, confused. 

“What-” Dean began, before noticing what Castiel had noticed, realization taking over his expression. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” 

Castiel was dressed up like Spock, and Dean just happened to be dressed up like Captain Kirk. Of  _ course  _ this would happen to them. Charlie burst out laughing, and Dorothy giggled along with her. “It's real-life Spirk, guys!” she exclaimed. 

“So much for not going in couple’s costumes,” Castiel said as he continued his way down the stairs. Dean made his ways forward, and they met with a kiss. “You look amazing, Captain,” Castiel told him.

Dean grinned. “You do as well, Commander.” 

Charlie fake gagged as she grabbed her coat off of the rack. “Save the role-play for a coat closet at the party, okay?” The two boys giggled, exchanging another small peck on the lips before they all grabbed their jackets and headed out. 

 

Once they arrived at the Talbot mansion, Dean parked the Impala a decent distance away so that they could avoid any other cars. It was about a five minute walk to the front door, and they all shivered as they half-jogged their way up the drive. Already the loud music could be heard from the large speakers that were most likely set up once again inside the house, and they could begin to see the crowd of people in the hall by the front door. When they reached the house finally, it was obvious that the party was in full swing. The four made a plan to meet up on the front porch at 2:00 so that they could leave. Dean knew he was hardly going to be drinking at all, so he knew that he would be okay to drive them back to Charlie's house to crash. 

While Charlie and Dorothy went their own way, Dean grabbed Castiel's wrist and led him inside the mansion. It was crowded and hot; people dressed in an array of costumes from slutty cats to Darth Vader. It still wasn't really Castiel's crowd- especially when a majority of these people were totally fucked up, but it made him feel better to have Dean there with him. 

As Dean guided him through the crowd, Castiel looked around to see if anyone would notice Dean’s grip on him, but it seemed that no one was sober enough to care. Off in the distance, somewhere near the kitchen door, he noticed Lisa Braeden making out with Gordon, one of Crowley's minions. Clearly, she was the type to move on fast. But all of these people, clearly not giving a damn about him and Dean practically holding hands, gave Castiel more confidence about the night. They could be so much more open about their relationship. In school, they stuck to acting like they were just close friends; sneaking in the occasional fleeting touch of the hands or thighs when they were sitting down. Here, Castiel was sure he could sit on Dean’s lap and no one would give it a second thought.

Finally they had reached the kitchen, and headed straight for the counter, once again covered in a large variety of different alcohol and two liters of pop for mixing drinks. “Do you want anything?” Dean yelled to Castiel over the music.

“Sure,” he yelled back. 

Minutes later, the two were leaning against the counter, drinking what Dean had told him was vodka mixed with some lemonade out of red plastic cups . He had to admit- it tasted a  _ lot _ better than the beer he had drank last time. The two weren't really talking, just enjoying their drinks and the company of each other. A few people had walked by and given their costumes weird glances, probably not understanding who they were. Dean had mentioned that might be a good thing because if no one knew who they were dressed up as, they might not assume that they were in a couple’s costume. 

It wasn't long before Castiel's cup was empty, and he looked at the emptiness with a frown. He was really enjoying that. When he looked over, Dean’s cup with still half full. Dean noticed Castiel's expression and asked if he wanted some more. “Are you trying to get me drunk, Winchester?” Castiel teased, and Dean only winked in response before grabbing Castiel's cup from his hand and moving to the other side of the counter to make him another drink. Castiel had always been told that you should never allow someone else to make you a drink at a party, but he knew that he could trust Dean not to drug him. Or, at least not on purpose. 

Before he knew it, he had consumed four more cups of the vodka and lemonade, and he was really starting to feel the effects. Dean hadn't had any more after making himself a second cup, but only drinking about a quarter of it. They had migrated to the living room to dance, but it was more like Dean was attempting to keep Castiel from falling over. The other tightly packed bodies kept knocking into him, causing him to sway dangerously on his feet. Eventually, he put his arms around Castiel's waist and pulled him in so that their bodies were flush together and Castiel's chin was resting on Dean’s right shoulder. They stayed like that for a while before Dean felt Castiel's hands begin to wander, settling on his ass. 

Castiel turned his head so that his lips were just barely brushing the shell of Dean’s ear. “Do you know how  _ hot _ you look in this costume?” he slurred. Dean just chuckled, and pulled him tighter. “But…” Castiel continued, “you would look even hotter out of it.”

Dean’s eyes widened. He leaned back from Castiel to look into his eyes, which were suddenly black with lust. Holy shit. If that wasn't the most attractive thing Dean had ever seen… “Do you wanna find somewhere quiet?” Dean blurted out, and Castiel nodded enthusiastically. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand now, dragging him through the the crowd and not really worrying about who could see them. Everyone seemed to be too distracted anyways. For a moment he thought he saw Crowley somewhere off in the distance, but he decided to ignore it. He guided his boyfriend back through the kitchen and through the door that led to another hallway. He spotted the same room that he had been in at the last party, singing to Lisa, and opened the door to see if it was empty. Thankfully it was. 

He pulled Castiel inside and shut the door, pushing him up against it. He didn't bother to turn on the light, instead putting his hands on Castiel's shoulders and crushing their lips together. Their mouths moved sloppily together, tongues and teeth clashing, but the both of them were really too far gone to care. Castiel wound his arms around the back of Dean’s neck to pull him closer, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. Dean couldn't stop the moan that escaped him. That had made out, of course,  _ multiple  _ times, but it had never been this intense. Now, Castiel was putting his hands back in Dean’s ass and rolling their hips together, groaning at the feeling of both of them being half-hard already from just kissing. Dean pulled away for a moment, panting heavily. “Are you okay with where this is going, Cas?” he asked. 

Castiel nodded, eyes closed and head thrown back against the door. “I know I'm pretty drunk right now, Dean, but if I were completely sober I would want the exact same thing.”  Dean nodded and dove back in, pushing his hips forward into Castiel's more.

They continued to grind until they were both fully hard, practically salivating for more contact. Dean moved his hand down between their bodies, setting a hand on the obvious bulge of Castiel's crotch, and palmed it slightly. Castiel arched his back, shivering in pleasure. “More, Dean,  _ please _ ,” he practically begged.

“Okay, babe. I’ve got you.” 

Slowly, Dean began to unbutton Castiel's pants and pulled down the cheap plastic zipper of the costume. “You ever had a blow job before?” Dean asked, pecking Castiel's lips. Castiel just shook his head. “I think you're gonna enjoy this.” 

Dean dropped to his knees, pulled up the hem of Castiel's blue shirt and peppered kisses on the smooth expanse of his stomach. He dipped his tongue into his navel for a second before working his way downwards. He stopped at the waist of Castiel's pants, hooking his fingers into the waistband of both his pants and his boxers, pulling them both down to reveal Castiel's hard, flushed cock. Dean couldn't help the way his mouth watered at the sight, and he leaned in to drag his tongue along the underside. Castiel moaned in pleasure, feeling like his knees were already about to buckle.

He looked down with his slightly blurred vision to watch Dean do his work. It was so fucking hot to see his boyfriend on his knees in front of him, is tongue working too slowly over his cock. It felt even better. “Please stop teasing,” he begged, and Dean looked up at him with a smirk. Not a second later, he was grabbing Castiel in his hand and wrapping his lips around the head, letting his tongue flatten against the tip for a moment before taking him deeper. He bobbed his head up and down a few times, his tongue dragging along with every movement of his mouth, and just a few minutes later, Castiel could tell he wasn't going to last much longer. He panted this out to Dean, and Dean took is as sign to take Castiel even deeper until Castiel could actually feel himself hitting the back of Dean’s throat.

That seemed to be the final straw, as he was suddenly coming hard down Dean’s throat, his vision going white at the edges. His legs shook as he came down from his high, and Dean continued to swallow every last drop. _ Fuck  _ that was hot.

Dean pulled his mouth off and stood up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Castiel slumped back against the door as Dean leaned in to kiss him, slowly and sensually. When they pulled away, Castiel had a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Your turn,” he said, placing his hands on Dean’s shoulders and spinning them around so that he was the one pinned against the door. 

As he dropped to his knees, he couldn't help but thinking that, maybe, parties weren't so bad after all. 


	10. It Was the Worst of Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I have discovered my issue with updating- I make my chapters WAY too long. I tried to make this one shorter than normal, and, honestly, I'm really not that happy with it but I felt so bad making you guys wait forever yet again. But, I just graduated high school! I'm in San Diego currently and living with my aunt and uncle because I have an internship out here, so when I'm not working, I will try my best to write and update more often. We only have 8 chapters left to go!! Sorry if the formatting on this chapter is weird as well (not 100% sure if it is or not). I usually write in google docs and then copy and paste, and it was being weird this time. (BTW I saw TATINOF in Chicago on May 28th, and it was honestly the best night of my entire life! I have become complete and utter Phan trash over the last year or so, and it's actually kind of ruining my life. Anyone else?)

1999

Castiel was lying in bed studying for calculus when the phone began to ring in the kitchen. He immediately sat up and bolted down stairs to grab it, knocking Gabriel, who was about to pick up the phone, out of the way. “Damn, Cassie, eager much?” he teased, shaking his head and heading towards the fridge. Castiel just rolled his eyes at his older brother, and grabbed the phone.  
“Dean?” he said eagerly. Dean was supposed to have called over an hour ago. His smile fell when he heard what sounded like a sob from the other end of the line. “Dean? What’s wrong?” Castiel asked, grabbing the phone cord and walking it out of the kitchen and into the hall as far as it would go.   
Dean took a deep, shaky breath. “My dad, he-” another sob came, cutting off his words.   
Castiel’s stomach dropped. “Your dad what?” He was pretty sure he knew what Dean was trying to say already. All of those random bruises he would have, the way he avoided as much conversation about his dad as possible-it all had to mean something. Castiel just needed to be sure he wasn’t jumping to the wrong conclusion.   
“Cas, he hit me. And he hit Sam too. He’s never hit Sam before!” Dean explained, finally telling the truth about what went on at home. “It’s only ever been me, and I just- I don’t know-”  
“Come over, Dean,” Castiel said, cutting him off. “I want you and Sam to spend the night here. You need to get out of that house. You can explain it all to me in person, okay?”  
Dean took another deep breath. “O-okay. We’ll be over in a few.”  
“Okay, Dean. See you then.”  
As soon as he hung up, Castiel let the phone fall to the floor, and sunk down against the wall, running his hands over his face. He knew it. He knew John Winchester was abusing his own children. His stomach dropped when he realized that he never bothered to ask Dean about it- to let him know that he could trust him with anything, even something as horrible as this. But now that he did know for sure, he was going to do everything in his power to protect Sam and Dean from that monster of a man.   
Castiel looked up from where he sat on the floor to see Gabriel standing in front of him, can of Coke in hand, looking concerned. “What’s wrong, Castiel?” he asked. Castiel just shook his head, grabbing the phone and slowly standing back up.  
“It’s nothing, Gabe.” He went back into the kitchen to hang the phone back up. “Dean and his little brother are coming over, by the way,” he said, walking past his brother and to the front door. He walked outside and shut the door behind himself, sat down on the front porch step, and waited. It was extremely cold out, as it was nighttime in early November, and Castiel kind of regretted not grabbing a coat. He settled for just hugging himself and rubbing his arms with his hands to warm himself up. Dean only lived about five minutes away, so it shouldn’t be long until he arrived.   
Until then, all Castiel had to do was sit there and think. He just couldn’t believe he hadn’t said anything earlier about it. He thought it was best to let Dean come to him on his own. His personal judgement had been way off, it seemed. And the fact that John would hit a thirteen year old as well? That just made the situation a whole lot worse. Sam was a minor; Dean wasn’t. Why would John Winchester do this? Castiel remembered Dean mentioning at the beginning of the school year that his mom was dead, so he knew that was probably one of the biggest factors of the equation. Alcohol was probably another one.   
Finally, Castiel saw the familiar dark shape of the Impala turning the corner. He immediately stood up and ran down the sidewalk to the edge of the driveway, watching as Dean pulled in. When he got out of the car, Castiel immediately ran to him, throwing his arms around his neck. Dean hugged back immediately, bunching the back of Castiel’s t-shirt in his hands and burying his head in his neck. After a minute or so, they pulled apart, and Castiel put his hands on Dean’s cheeks to inspect his face. He had a busted lip and and an obvious bruise forming around his right eye. Dean’s eyes were red, probably from crying, but his expression was almost completely blank- like he didn’t know how to feel in that moment. The two older boys heard a sniffling to their left, and turned at the same time to see little Sammy, clutching a blanket and a pillow to his chest with one hand, the other being used to wipe away his own tears. Along with that, there was a cut on his right cheek, as if he had been backhanded while there was a ring on the hand. Castiel immediately went over to him, and crouched down slightly to envelope him in a hug, while Dean went to the back seat to get their bags.   
“Come on, Sam,” Castiel said, leaning back and putting his hands on the younger boys shoulders. “Let’s go inside, okay?”  
Sam just nodded, and Castiel straightened up. Dean was stood with both he and Sam’s bags ready. Keeping a hand on Sam’s shoulder, Castiel led the two Winchester boys inside his house. Luckily, there didn’t seem to be any sign of Gabriel around to bother them. Of course, he didn’t need to worry about his father, as he was sitting in his office writing, and his mother was still gone for another week or so on business. They trudged up the stairs to Castiel’s room, and Dean set the bags down on the bed before sitting down on it himself. “Hey, Sammy,” Dan said, speaking for the first time since they arrived, “why don’t you go in Castiel’s bathroom and get ready for bed?”  
Sam nodded solemnly, grabbing his bag and heading into the en suite bathroom. Once the door was shut, Dean immediately dropped his head into his hands. Castiel rushed over to sit down and put an arm around his boyfriend. “I’m so glad you guys are okay,” he whispered, placing a kiss to the side of Dean’s head.   
Dean looked up at Castiel, a few fresh tears tumbling down his cheeks. “I just can’t believe his would ever dare touch Sam like that. He’s only fucking thirteen years old!” Dean exclaimed. Castiel shushed him, partly out of comfort, and partly out of not wanting Sam to hear.   
“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Castiel asked, hoping to get some answers out of his boyfriend.   
Dean let out a shaky breath, wiping the tears off of his face with the palms of his hands and letting them collapse on his lap. “It’s, uh, it’s the anniversary of Mom’s death,” Dean explained. “Dad always gets really bad around this time of year, and especially on the anniversary. He drinks a lot, and, as you can imagine, when he drinks he becomes violent. And instead of throwing the dishes at the walls like any normal drunk would do, he likes to take it out on me. Tonight, though, it seemed that taking it out on just me wasn’t nearly enough. He was yelling about how Sam looks so much like her and that’s when he-” Dean let out a loud sob, not able to finish his sentence, but he didn’t need to. Castiel knew exactly what he was trying to say. He was right. Mary Winchester’s death was the reason for John Winchester being so abusive to his children. The grief drove him to drink, which drove him to use his sons as his own personal punching bags. How could anybody do that and be able to live with themselves?  
Castiel took a breath to respond, but Sam came out of the bathroom just then. He would have to try and continue this conversation at a different time.   
An hour later, the three boys were all settled down in Castiel’s room- Sam on the bed by himself, and Dean and Castiel cuddled together on the floor. Sam had originally believed that he was going to be on the floor, but he and Dean both insisted that he get the bed. He had been through too much that night to have to sleep on the cheap carpet. So, Castiel laid down a few blankets for he and Dean to lay on top of, and then used the biggest one he could find to cover them up. They lay facing each other, not speaking, but just looking at each other in the dark. The moonlight was filtering through the shades on the window, and the only sound was Sam’s slow breathing, indicating that he was already passed out.   
“Are you okay, Dean?” Castiel asked after a while. Dean blinked a few times before taking a deep breath to answer.   
“Define ‘okay’.”  
Castiel thought to himself for a moment. “‘Okay’ as in, you're not going to spiral down into a deep, dark hole of depression that no one can drag you out of.”  
Through the darkness, Castiel could just barely make out the corners of Dean’s lips turn down. He longed desperately to know what the other boy way thinking. It was at least another minute before Dean spoke up. “My life… It sucks. I have dead mother and a shitty, abusive father who doesn't know how to settle down anywhere. For years, Sammy was the only good thing in my life.”  
It was Castiel's turn to frown. “Was?”  
Dean just looked at him for a moment, his eyes softening. “Then I met you.”  
Castiel swore he could feel his heart actually soar out of his chest at that moment. There was nothing he could do to fight off the big, goofy grin that made its way into his face, so he slung his right arm over Dean’s torso and pulled him closer so that their noses were touching. Castiel gazed deep into Dean’s eyes, and Dean gazed back. “That still doesn't answer my question: are you okay?”  
Dean smiled. “As long as I've got you and Sammy in my life, then yeah, I'm okay.”  
Dean tilted his head slightly to place his lips on Castiel's in a soft, chaste kiss. And even though the had only been together about two months, Castiel couldn't deny how deeply he felt for Dean. This beautiful, amazing boy with a rough past came sweeping into his life out of nowhere, and made his existence far more meaningful and exciting. There was no doubt in his mind that he meant what he knew he was about to say.  
“I love you, Dean,” he whispered in the darkness, his lips barely brushing against the other boy’s.   
“I love you too, Cas.”

2015

Castiel could already tell that it was going to be another long day. Meg was still angry at him about their dinner with Dean a few nights ago, he was still slightly confused about his feelings for Dean, and his father was going to be calling him sometime that day to get an update on how his novel was going- and it was only nine in the morning. And there he was, sat in front of his computer, still with no ideas. After an hour or so, Castiel decided it was best that he take a break and get something to eat.   
Meg was in the kitchen, sitting at one of the island counter stools and sipping out of a mug of coffee while scrolling through something on her phone. She looked up at Castiel when he walked in, watching him as he opened up one of the cabinets to pull out the bag of bread. Castiel tried to ignore her stare as he went about making himself some toast. There was, however, only so much of the silent tension that he could take. So, after his food was all made, he sat down right next to her at the counter. “Meg”, he began, trying to get her attention. She made a little humming noise to acknowledge him, but she didn’t remove her gaze from her phone screen. “Will you stop ignoring me?” Castiel asked, sounding slightly desperate at this point. For the past three days he had been trying to get her to say anything to him- even if it meant getting yelled at. An angry reaction was better than no reaction at all.   
Now she looked up at him- her expression cold and hard. She finally set down her phone and crossed her arms over her chest. “Why should I give you my attention when you insulted me to my face? And in front of Dean Winchester of all people?” Since she was beginning to talk now, Castiel knew better than to say anything back yet. It was better to let her get it all off of her chest at one time. “I knew it was a bad idea to act like I was okay with you seeing him and hanging out with him again. I knew that if this happened, you would just start falling for him again. And don’t act like I don’t know what I’m talking about, because, believe me, I do. I know what it looks like when you fall in love with someone. I know how you look at the person and how you act around them and speak to them, because it’s the same thing you did with me. I’m your fiancee, Castiel. I am the one that you chose to spend the rest of your life with. I am the one you made a commitment to! Not him. And you acting like this when it comes to him, well, it feels like complete and utter betrayal.”   
There were tears running down her face now, and Castiel could tell that they weren’t sad tears. They were tears of anger and frustration, and they were all aimed directly at him. All because he couldn’t get his head out of his ass and realize that, no matter what Dean said or did, he and Dean were over. He was getting married soon. And that was final. “Meg…” he began, but he didn’t really know where he was going with it. What was he supposed to do? He still did love Dean, he would admit that much, but could he really ruin his relationship with his fiancee, the person who was supposed to be the love of his life, over him? It wasn’t worth the risk. He took a deep breath. He knew what he needed to do now.   
Meg now had her elbows on the counter, and her face covered by her hands. Castiel reached out and hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder, half expecting her to slap him away. She didn’t, though, so that was a good sign. Breath shaky, she uncovered her face, looking at Castiel with red eyes. “Don’t you have anything to say about this?” she asked incredulously. “Anything at all to tell me that I’m wrong? That I’m just being crazy and jealous?”  
“I’m sorry,” he decided to start with, because he truly was. What he had to say next, he could barely get out. His throat was tight, and his voice small, but he couldn’t keep doing this to Meg. He couldn’t keep hurting her this way. He had to say it. “I’ll tell him tomorrow that we can’t see each other anymore.”  
Those seemed to be the right words, because, suddenly, Meg was smiling. She leaned over, and rested her head on his shoulder, tilting to place a kiss on his neck. “Thank you, Castiel.”   
Castiel just nodded, thankful that she couldn’t see his pained expression. 

An hour later, he was back at his desk and in front of his computer. He had to get something written today. Chuck was going to kill him if he didn’t. So, he cracked his knuckles, and began typing. He didn’t really think much about the quality of the writing, more just about getting something typed out that had to do with the plot and would be lengthy enough to appease his demanding father (okay, he wasn’t really demanding, Castiel was just difficult) and had something to do with the plot. He would quickly read over it when he was done, update Chuck when he called, and fine-tune it later. It was the perfect plan.   
At least, it was until he read it over two hours later. Two hours of typing had only gotten him about twenty pages, which was significantly less than he knew he could write. Not to mention, it was pretty terrible. His plan went out the window. There was no way he could keep this in. It was twenty pages, about six thousand words, of complete garbage. His writer’s block had never been this horrible in his entire career.   
It was the story itself, he decided. The story was so cliche and awful- it was horribly paced and not well thought-out at all. He couldn’t publish it. He had been working on this novel for weeks. Weeks of his life were wasted on this stupid idea that he could ever write another best selling book. It was pathetic. He was pathetic. Frustration and anger washed over him like a tide. His head was all over the place, and he could feel himself getting tense and shaky. Castiel stood up, walked over the little armchair in the corner of his office, grabbed the throw pillow and pressed it to his face, and screamed.   
“FUCK! Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!” he yelled, over and over again into the fabric. He threw the pillow at the wall, and grabbed at his hair. “I can’t finish this fucking story. I just can’t fucking do it.”   
Body suddenly on autopilot, Castiel went back over to his computer and sat down. He didn’t take a moment to think about it when he found the option to delete the entire document, not even when it asked him twice for confirmation. For a minute, all he felt was relief. The story was gone deleted. He didn’t have to worry about it anymore. He could move on, take a few weeks off to find some inspiration, and write something else. He slumped back in his chair, letting out a breath.   
Okay.   
It was fine.   
At least, it was fine until his phone started ringing, Chuck’s name popping up on the screen. That’s when the reality of the situation really hit Castiel.   
He just deleted his novel. He deleted it. It was gone. And Chuck was calling him for a progress report.   
With shaky hands, Castiel picked up the phone, feeling like he was about to vomit. He pressed it to his ear slowly.   
“Hello, Chuck.” God, he sounded awful.   
“Castiel. How far have you gotten?”  
Typical Chuck, straight and to the point.   
“I, uh,” Castiel began. He let out a nervous laugh. “You see, the thing is-”\  
“The thing is what, Castiel? I don’t have all day.”  
“I might have um-” he cleared his throat, “I might have accidentally deleted the entire thing…” Castiel braced himself for getting yelled at, pulling the phone a little bit away from his ear almost on instinct. To his surprise, however, the yelling never came. He did, however, hear a little “huff” from the other end of the line.   
After a few more moments of silence, his father spoke. “Then I can’t be your publisher anymore.”  
Castiel’s entire body went cold at the words. His father, his own father, was actually refusing to publish his story? Granted, there was no story to publish, but, still. This was just crazy and unreasonable. This book was supposed to be his next bestseller. It was supposed to be a gift to all his fans who supported him throughout The Fallen Angel Chronicles. And now what? What was he supposed to do if he didn’t have a publisher? “Chuck, you can’t-”  
“No, Castiel,” Chuck cut him off, “You’ve been absolutely lazy throughout this entire process, and you hardly made any progress on your novel in the first place. I’m done, Castiel. Goodbye.”  
Castiel stared at his phone as the call ended, feeling completely numb. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Meg was going to kill him for being this stupid. Oh, God, did he feel stupid. First, he has to tell Dean he can’t see him again, and now, he’s out of a publisher. The day so far had been pretty awful, to say the least, and it was only the early afternoon. Deciding it was best to not stare at his computer for any longer, he left his office and went into he and Meg’s room to just lay down on the bed and stare at the ceiling for a while.   
Universe, he closed his eyes and thought, Please let something good happen to me for once.


End file.
